They say it's the season to be jolly, but for those who suffer from Christmas phobia, this time of year can be filled with insecurity, stress and misery, writes EDEL MORGAN
WHEN I GOT an email about Christmas phobia from a PR company, which was selling it as an idea for “a fun feature (with a serious side) for the festive season”, I thought of my mother, who is more acquainted with the serious side. People who know her but don’t know she has an aversion to Christmas will be surprised because, for the other 10-and-a-half months of the year, she has a great sense of fun and perspective.
But every year around the middle of November, a dread descends at the first sightings of tinsel. It doesn’t lift until around January 1st. It’s not that she sits in the corner saying “Bah Humbug” while refusing to pull any Christmas crackers. She goes through the motions, sends cards and gives presents, but the reality is, nobody would be happier if Christmas was cancelled as part of Brian Lenihan’s austerity measures.
She describes her reaction to the festive season as a “a miserable sinking feeling” and a general sense of unease that she believes goes back to her childhood in the 1940s when she grew to “hate Santa with a passion” because he seemed to prefer other children on the street. She told me: “Some girls our age came to live in the new houses up the road and Santa brought them beautiful things. My parents did their best and we always had a nice Christmas dinner, but it was Santa I had the issue with. One year I got a rag doll which was lovely, but the following year the doll came back with a new face drawn on. I know as an adult that everything wasn’t as it seemed as a child, but it hasn’t stopped me having negative feelings about Christmas.”
Psychologist Graham W Price, who is based in Britain and has treated a few Christmas phobics, says they typically tend to “feel anxious about the approach of Christmas, the arrival of Christmas day or arriving at family gatherings”. In more severe cases, physical symptoms include rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, disturbed thoughts or even panic attacks.
Just not liking Christmas isn’t a phobia. There has to be some degree of anxiety attached that has no rational cause. Price says the phobia is commonly triggered by personal loss such as the death of someone close or a traumatic or frightening experience around this time of year. “Another trigger could be a difficult family relationship that has to be endured at Christmas and has led to repeated bad experiences,” he says.
Price knows of a woman who developed Christmas phobia after her mother went on a trip to Japan on Christmas Eve 1991 when she was nine, and never came back. The worst cases he has seen are people who literally can’t participate in Christmas, as opposed to just being anxious while suffering through it. He says trying to avoid the festivities only strengthens the phobia. He had a patient who repeatedly came up with excuses to miss her family’s celebrations, and another one who skipped the country to bypass Christmas.
Price offered to give my mother a therapy session over the phone to help her overcome her feelings about Christmas. In calm reassuring tones, he asked her to imagine she’s a little girl again, in the cinema watching a Christmas scene where children are sitting waiting to open presents under the tree. A little girl turns and speaks to her from the screen and asks her to join them. She jumps into the scene with them and the little girl says “Sheila, I want you to know that most of the presents under the tree are for you. We realise Santa hasn’t been as generous to you and we’re making up for that.” He explained the purpose was to make her child self feel valued and happy and help undo some of the hurt.
He said another good idea would be to throw herself into the celebrations. “You don’t have to enjoy it, but you do have to do it. The more you go overboard, the more quickly it will work.”
This year, my mother is coming to ours for Christmas dinner and we'll be watching to see if she bursts into a heartfelt rendition of Santa Babyor if she'll only be pretend-rocking around the Christmas tree, while secretly wishing it was all over.
