FirstDrive: the Hummer H2: Known more for its role in warzones than urban driving, the enormous Hummer H2 has finally hit Ireland's roads. Donal Byrne took it for a drive.
As we bounced around the country roads of Greystones, in Co Wicklow, in a four-tonne canary-yellow Hummer H2, I couldn't help thinking of American research - published in a recent book about the four-wheel drive vehicle/SUV (sport utility vehicle) controversy - that said the SUV was the car of choice for "the nation's most self-centred people".
For this huge, heavy, gas-guzzling and unlovely vehicle is a certain head-turner.
As people stood bemused and drew each other's attention to the H2, Paddy Connolly, sales manager of Derek Burton 4X4, which imports the Hummer H2 into Ireland, was giving me his sales pitch.
"This is a completely different experience. This gets you into the super car league - where you have cars like Ferraris and Bentleys - for half the price. And everyone wants to look at it."
Half the price, for the record, is about €120,000 and it still only comes in left-hand drive. (A conversion to right-hand drive is available at an extra €15,000, although none of Mr Connolly's first six buyers has opted for it.)
For your money, you get a six-seat passenger derivative of the vehicle the Americans used to storm Kuwait and which is still the target of Iraqi insurgents.
Equipped with a 6.0 litre petrol V8 engine and with a consumption return of about 10 miles to the gallon, the issue of whether the Hummer should even be allowed on US roads and highways is almost as divisive an issue as the war in Iraq itself. '
"Just in time to crush a few thousand smaller cars and kill a bunch of pedestrians and poison the environment and still be able to traverse six feet of standing water in order to make it in time for Timmy's soccer game, comes the roll-out of the new Hummer H2,' is the not-untypical view of web columnist, Mark Marford.
Paddy Connolly argues that the H2 compares well in terms of fuel consumption with cars like Range Rover, some of which will record figures in the low 'teens.
However, you cannot choose to drive a car like this and argue that you are environmentally concerned. The H2 has very good acceleration for a car of its size and weight and it can be hard maintaining a light foot on the accelerator. Ride and handling are as one would expect for such a vehicle. There is an air suspension system on the H2 which helps but this car is more about straight in-line cruising than anything else. The interior is high off the ground and visibility restricted and the overall driving impression is more Securicor van than Range Rover.
The left-hand drive factor is a major one, although, not with insurance companies, it seems. (Hummers are imported directly from the US, and, no, they don't come in diesel.)
You really do have to choose a careful driving line and hug the inside verge. Otherwise, you will find yourself veering into the outside lane very quickly.
Everything is, of course, automatic. Things like the gearbox, climate control, stability system and other items of equipment take the effort out of most aspects of driving.
There are also the kind of luxury items one might expect from such a vehicle - leather and chrome are in abundance and it even has a Bose sound system.
The overall driving experience, however, is not rewarding. You need a certain personality to engage with the H2 and mine clearly did not. A member of a boy band is the proud owner of one, but so too is a Dublin painter and decorator.
"The people who buy these are extroverts looking for something different. They look great at night with all the lights on too," says Mr Connolly.
One Hummer that certainly did look well lit-up recently was the 28-foot stretch Hummer that is owned by Mr Gerry Hutch, aka The Monk, who has now moved into the chauffeuring business.
He was happy to show me around the vast interior - think leather bench seats and plasma screens - while he waited for a group of debs on their way to a Dublin hotel.
"I think I'm only getting five to the gallon, though," was his consumption assessment.
If you are tempted, Paddy Connolly at Derek Burton Motors in Kilpedder, Co Wicklow, will be happy to hear from you. But, a last extract from that American research published in High and Mighty by former motor industry writer with the New York Times, Kenneth Bradsher: "SUV drivers tend to be insecure and vain. They are frequently nervous about their marriages and uncomfortable about parenthood. They often lack self-confidence in their driving skills. Above all, they are apt to be self-centred and self-absorbed, with little interest in their neighbours and communities. They are more restless, more sybaritic and less social than most Americans are."
Sound like anyone you know?