Equipment to beat police speed traps is illegal in the Republic but not in the North. So Patrick Logue went window-shopping to South Armagh.
They call it "bandit country", but I hadn't seen a single bandit since driving over the Border into South Armagh 15 minutes earlier.
Maybe it was too cold for bandits today, but the roads were full of ordinary folk going about Monday afternoon business; people-carriers carrying families and shopping in the boot, lorries delivering goods, tractors doing farm stuff, motorbikes going really fast and the odd walker with dog.
It was only when the 10-year-old black VW Golf GTI - with a go-faster petrol cap and an exhaust pipe the size of the entrance to the Port Tunnel - overtook me on the inside at twice the speed of light, I knew where I was for sure. The "youths" inside waved as they passed (how's it going lads!?) before almost killing the woman pedestrian by then clinging for dear life to the grass verge.
Motors hates to generalise, but here goes. Ulstermen like their cars. They like them with alloys and boot spoilers and they like to drive them fast. Good news for Wayne Lyons and his company, speedcameradefence.com. As the name suggests the company promises to be able to make your (speeding) car "invincible" to the prying eyes of PSNI or Garda speed guns and speed cameras. I had arranged to meet him so he could show me exactly how.
I lay in wait on the hard shoulder expecting a Subaru Impreza, or perhaps another souped-up Golf, to pull in beside me. What did arrive was no boy racer on the run from the law, a Renault Laguna turbo diesel freshly washed and ready for the demonstration.
Lyons says he is not interested in helping irresponsible motorists break the speeding laws. "It's not about condoning reckless driving," he explains. "We sell to responsible citizens who risk losing their livelihood if they are caught even slightly over the speed limit. If I wasn't doing it somebody else would be."
Opening his boot, he reveals a large range of products costing from €110 to €1,165. Some will alert the driver with an alarm that a radar speed camera or Gatso van is up the road, allowing time to slow down. Other, more sophisticated, products will alert drivers to laser-operated speed guns, now most commonly used by police forces across Europe, including the Garda - these devices will also "confuse" Garda laser guns before they can get an accurate reading from your car.
Lyons brings us around to the front of his car to show us exactly what the products look like after they are installed. "That's the laser unit in there and that's the radar unit", he says, kneeling down and pointing to two matchbox-sized devices mounted behind the front air intake of the car.
"The radar unit has the power to work from behind the plastic bumper, I just put it there so customers can see the size of it. In the Porsche Boxster we put it in behind the drivers' seat.
"That covers the stationary cameras at the side of the road, the Gatsos, and the old-style hairdryer." Inside the car a minute light that alerts drivers of an upcoming laser device is barely visible in the panel near the windscreen, while the radar alerting unit is hidden behind a panel beside the steering wheel.
Next, out of a brief case Lyons produces a laser speed camera, the type used at most manned Garda speed traps. The gun and the tripod come to a total of are worth a total of €7,284.
Time for the demonstration. Lyons drives down the road and back towards the camera. We eye up the Laguna through the sights of the gun using a red laser dot, but each time we pull the "trigger" an error code appears on the camera's screen. It takes a number of attempts before the camera is able to get a reading from the car at which point it is travelling no more than 40 mph.
The camera gives no indication that the approaching car is using a laser jamming device. The errors it displays are the same as those given when the camera is operated with a shaky hand.
Inside the car, Lyons is hearing a piercing beep to alert him to the Motors speed trap. After the tone, the driver has eight seconds to slow down to the required limit before we can get a reading on the laser gun.
As we carry out our road side experiment a man in wellington boots hops out of a 4X4 to find out what's going on. Were we the police? What the hell were we doing on his side of his road with a speed camera?
We sell the speed trap detectors, Lyons explains. We're doing a demonstration for The Irish Times. Handing him a leaflet, Lyons says, "Give us a call, we'll look after you."
"But are these legal," the man inquires. It was our next question.
The devices are legal in the North, sort of. Lyons says most of his business there is to high-street shops that sell the devices openly.
"Some garages in the North offer them as optional extras when you buy a new car."
A spokeswoman for the PSNI told us later that the devices were "legal to buy and to own. However, any device that interferes with speed detection equipment is illegal as it obstructs the police in the due execution of their duties." In other words you can buy it, own it, show it to your mates, but you can't use it on a real speed trap.
Since 1991 in the Republic, it has been illegal to use a speed detection device. It's also an offence to be in possession of one, or to import, fit or supply detectors and jammers.
Gardai are also empowered to seize such equipment. Even still, motorists are seemingly prepared to flout the law in large numbers.
Lyons says he has seen a "massive increase" in business since metrication in the Republic on January 20th last. "It was like when penalty points happened. It went bang, the phone was like a hotline," Lyons says.
"Over half of our business is generated from the South. There are customers who come up from Cork, who leave at 4 in the morning to be up for 9 and then drive home that day."
His customer base is not what you might think. "We have very few boy racers. It's mainly business men and women who don't mind spending a few pounds to protect their licence."
It's a few pounds all right. The radar and laser detector set will cost about €1,162 including VAT, but excluding fitting which costs between €70 and €200.
Are detectors legal?
Gardai are very clear on the use of speed detection equipment in the Republic - they will confiscate equipment and you face possible prosecution.
Since 1991, it has been illegal to use a speed detector and it's also an offence to import, fit or supply them. Last year gardaí raided premises in Dublin and confiscated what they believed to be detectors.
A notice was also sent to the Advertising Standards Authority for Ireland, which was subsequently forwarded to Irish publishers, warning that publications should not take adverts for speed gun detectors or laser diffusers.
In Northern Ireland, the law is slightly different. It allows retailers to sell them without reproach. A PSNI spokeswoman said it was not against the law to buy or own speed detection equipment.
However, she added: "Any device that interferes with speed detection equipment is illegal as it obstructs the police in the due execution of their duties." In other words you can legally buy it and own it but you break the law if you use it in the vicinity of police speed traps.
