MY HEALTH EXPERIENCE:After six failed IVF attempts we know how lucky we are, say MARIEand BRIAN O'CALLAGHAN
BRIAN AND I met in 2002 in Glasgow and I moved to Ireland within a year to Hospital, Co Limerick, where Brian owns a pub.
We spoke about starting a family even before we got married once we knew we were going somewhere together.
Children, for me, were something I absolutely wanted. My brother had twins, who were six months by the time I moved to Ireland.
From the age of 32, I knew I had problems. I had been diagnosed with extensive endometriosis about six months before Brian and I met.
I was very upfront about that pretty soon after we met because Brian is eight years younger than me.
Brian and I got engaged in 2004 and married in July 2005. I was told at that point that, if I ever wanted a family, IVF would be the road to go down.
We were very naive when we first decided to have IVF. When I look back throughout the years I had IVF, I was obsessive. I was 36 and I knew I was running out of time.
We had been trying a good 18 months to have a baby naturally before we had our first cycle in February 2006 at the Clane Fertility Clinic in Co Kildare.
I got pregnant on our first outing, but I was told from the beginning that it might not be a viable pregnancy.
After eight weeks, there was no heartbeat. I had to have a dilation and curettage procedure (DC).
In October 2006, we did our second cycle. I got pregnant again, but it never even made it to scan.
The third one followed with a frozen embryo in January 2007. The bloods showed signs of pregnancy, but it did not last.
The next cycle in May 2007 was the most difficult of all. The night before the cycle commenced, Brian’s sister rang to say that she was pregnant with her first child.
Within a week, and before the cycle was complete, my brother rang to say his wife was pregnant too.
I was incredibly upset because I was thinking that there was no chance that the three of us could be pregnant at the same time.
But unbelievably I did get pregnant again and this time I got to 10 weeks. Our three due dates were all within a few weeks of each other.
This time we dared to hope. We thought this is it, but I miscarried on July 5th, 2007, the day of my father’s 60th birthday. That was the hardest part of this whole journey.
At that stage we thought, no more. We knew the IVF was working, but I couldn’t hold on to the baby.
I went on the Rollercoaster.ie website and we ended up going to Nottingham to a doctor called Dr George Ndukwe in December 2007.
He told us there was no such thing as bad luck when it came to a miscarriage and my body was reacting to pregnancy as if it was a cancer.
He wanted to confuse my immune system by giving me a blood product called IVIG made up of the blood of thousands and thousands of donors. Later, I was able to take the injection as a synthetic product.
We did further cycles in May 2008 and December 2008, which were both negative, and we felt definitely this was the last. Financially, physically and emotionally we could do no more.
If you include all the cycles of IVF, exploratory tests, medications and our trips to Nottingham, it cost us €50,000.
We were lucky as my parents gave us money for two of the cycles, including the one that resulted in Padraig. All I was living for was from one cycle to the next.
I was coming up to 40. I had lost a whole lot of time. We decided to have one last crack at it.
This time I got pregnant again and the pregnancy progressed though every scan was terrifying. At 27 weeks we discovered that something was wrong.
Our world fell apart. The doctor was scanning away and we knew there was something up.
He said the baby had a “double-bubble” or a blockage in the duodenum, which meant he needed an operation as soon as he was born.
The other thing he said was that the condition is very closely linked with Down syndrome.
Our emotions were indescribable. Down syndrome was something that crossed my mind because of my age, but I had a nuchal fold scan (an ultrasound that detects Down syndrome) done at 11 weeks and it was clear.
We had Down syndrome confirmed at 29 weeks. Initially, we were devastated. I’d love to say in hindsight that we weren’t, but we were.
I had a problem with my placenta, unrelated to Down syndrome, and I was being constantly monitored.
Padraig was born by emergency Caesarean section. He was just under three pounds and he cried. We were not expecting that. He needed no help with his breathing.
Two days after he was born, he went to Crumlin for an operation and he returned to Cork.
When the camera for the series From Here To Maternity came, we were really in the bubble after he came from having his operation, but the producer, Edel, was brilliant.
We have had hundreds of cards and letters arising out of our appearance on that series.
Like any parents, the minute that you see your child you fall in love. We were excited and happy that we finally had our much-longed-for baby and thankfully everybody took their cue from us.
Looking back, none of the things that we worried about have come to pass. Luckily, he has had no health problems.
People make too much of him having special needs. At the end of the day, he is just a baby like any other with exactly the same needs.
Like every parent with a child with Down syndrome, if we were asked to swap Padraig for a baby without Down syndrome, we would not swap him for the world.
When we were in Crumlin, we saw many kids and parents who made us realise how very lucky we are.
We would like to thank the staff in intensive care in Crumlin, the midwives and the fantastic staff in the neo-natal unit in Cork University Maternity Hospital, and to Dr Dan McKenna who got him here safely.
We have great support from our families. Everybody who meets him loves him. He is slightly behind where he would be if he was a typical baby.
At the end of the day, Padraig is going to be a bit slower to do things, but he’ll get there in his own time.
BRIAN’S STORY: ‘THERE WAS NEVER A THOUGHT THAT THIS [THE IVF] WOULDN’T WORK AT ALL’
When Marie first told me that she might have problems conceiving, I did not read too much into it at the time.
My attitude was that we would find a way round it.
I didn't see it as a burden. We were getting on well and I thought we'd worry about that down the line.
I had an attitude that what will be will be, but I don't know if I really believed it and deep down I was probably as obsessed as Marie.
When she first got pregnant through IVF, I thought that it was going to be easy. There was never a thought that this wouldn't work at all.
However, after six unsuccessful attempts we know how lucky we are that number seven worked.
There are so many couples who have many more attempts and never get to hold their baby.
When we first found out that Padraig might have Down syndrome, we both cried constantly for two days, but I realised I had to pick myself up for myself and Marie.
This was the hand we were being dealt with and, in hindsight, we couldn't have asked for a happier, more lovable child.
He is doing very well, is very healthy and that is the important thing.
In conversation with Ronan McGreevy
