Many fathers would love more time with their families, but with no paid paternity leave, and few sympathetic employers, the situation for 'Sahds' is gloomy, writes KEVIN COURTNEY
IT’S MONDAY MORNING; Dad gets up and dresses the two-year-old while mum breast-feeds the new baby. Then dad burps the baby, puts it back in the cot and makes breakfast. He brings the two-year-old down to creche, has a quick coffee and a read of the paper in the nearby coffee shop, then goes back home to tidy the house, make sure mum is resting comfortably, and help her with the 11 o’clock feed. At noon, he takes a leisurely drive to the office – no traffic on the road at this time – to get ready for a major presentation to corporate clients in the early afternoon.
After the presentation – which was a huge success, and should secure the company that crucial contract and make him a shoo-in for that upcoming promotion – he heads back home, stopping at the creche to pick up the two-year-old, and goes to the supermarket to pick up dinner.
He cooks up a nice lasagne, bathes and settles the two-year-old, then snuggles up with his wife to watch The Wire or listen to the new Beatles remasters. Just before bedtime, he checks his e-mails, sets up a few meetings for tomorrow, arranges a golf game with the boss, books a long weekend away for the family, then goes to bed, secure in the knowledge that his career is on track and that he’s also getting to spend lots of quality time with his family.
Recognise this guy? Me neither.
The reality for most working fathers is that, although they would like to spend more time with their children, they continue the nine-to-five slog right through their children’s growing-up years. Even though many parents are sharing the child-rearing more equally, and dads are getting more involved with their kids, most working fathers find there is no flexibility in their job to allow them to be a more active parent.
IN THE UK, a study published this week by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) found that more than 40 per cent of fathers felt they weren’t getting to spend enough time with their children, and that six out of 10 fathers were working more than 40 hours a week, leaving them with little or no time for family life. The report found most working men are unhappy with the amount of time they get to spend with their families, but are afraid to ask their employers for more time off or flexible working hours, in case it would harm their career or damage their promotion prospects. They don’t want to seem uncommitted to their job, so they become “stay-at-work” dads, increasingly absent from home and detached from family life.
Most workplaces still adhere to traditional gender roles, allowing female staff to work flexible hours, but expecting their male employees to put work before home life. This inflexibility can cause tensions at home because partners feel they are being burdened with the bulk of the childrearing.
Working fathers in the UK are entitled to two weeks’ statutory paternity leave at £123.06 a week, but the EHRC found that 45 per cent of fathers didn’t take it up, either because they could not afford to or because they feared for their job security. Advocacy groups are urging the UK government to grant at least two weeks’ paternity leave at 90 per cent of the father’s salary.
If fathers in the UK are unhappy with their lot, Irish dads must feel like they’re living in the Dark Ages. There is currently no statutory entitlement to paternity leave in Irish law, and paternity leave is left to the discretion of the employer. Most working fathers have to settle for an agreed period of unpaid leave, which may leave them out of pocket as well as out of the career loop. Some will opt not to take the time off, lest it adversely affect their career.
“They’re scared they may not have a job to come back to,” says David Caren, a father of three, who runs the dad.ie website. “So they’ll stick it out, maybe just take a couple of days, or use their holiday time as paternity leave. I was lucky, because I was working for a UK company when I had my first child, and my boss said ‘I’ll get you the same leave as the lads in London’. And he did. But when my brother’s wife gave birth to their first baby, he was called back into work on the very same day. He was standing there just hours after he was looking at his new baby girl, and he was seething. And I think mentally and physically it does have a detrimental effect.”
Although Ireland has excellent maternity leave, says Caren, we are “on the same level as Estonia” as far as facilitating fathers’ needs are concerned. Some users of dad.ie had expressed the vague hope that a Yes vote in the Lisbon treaty might fast-track statutory paternity leave, which is standard in many other European countries, but they shouldn’t hold their breath.
The Opposition parties have “mentioned” it, says Caren, and there has been talk of taking some time from the mums and giving it to the dads – robbing Paula to pay Peter – or granting a single block of parental leave which the couple then divides between them. “I know it works in countries such as Sweden and Norway, but I don’t think the mums here will go for it,” says Caren.
Brian Merriman, head of communications at the Equality Authority, says there is a long-overdue need to rebalance work, life and caring, but that Government and employment bodies have been slow to answer it. “We’ve tried over the years to get some paid paternity leave, but we haven’t got any agreement with the social partners on it,” says Merriman. “It is an issue very close to our heart, and for a double reason, not just because of the men, but obviously as long as women are burdened 100 per cent with the caring stuff, they will be disadvantaged in the employment arena. But if it’s shared, there’s actually a double benefit across the board for men and women.”
Some believe that, with companies cutting staff and pay and increasing working hours, anyone asking for paternity leave is on a hiding to nowhere, but Caren believes we shouldn’t settle for less than two weeks’ paid leave as a basic right. As far as the Equality Authority is concerned, says Merriman, shared caring makes sound economic sense. “It’s something we’re trying to influence policy constructively on. And, particularly in relation to there being a smaller amount of work available, more flexibility in the workplace has been shown to have a productivity dividend of about 14 per cent.”
BOTH CAREN AND Merriman dismiss the suggestion that Irish men are happy to stick to the traditional role of the dad going to work while the mammy stays at home. “No, there’s nothing to back that up,” asserts Merriman. “Ten years ago the amount of workshares and jobshares by men were minute, and now there’s a respectable presence of men doing flexible working weeks and making their own work-life arrangements. And we’ve got one of the highest female participation rates in the workplace. So that argument is gone.”
Also gone is the stigma attached to being a stay-at-home dad (or a Sahd), says Caren. They’re no longer seen as wimps, mincing around in an apron while their wives sport business suits – they’re taking a brave step towards the continued survival of their family.
“I’m not saying they’re noble, or anything, but a lot of them are in uncharted waters, and they’re saying to themselves, ‘what do I do now, I’ve never done this before, how do I stick it out?’. And a lot of them have been back on to me six months down the road saying, ‘I don’t want to go back to work, I’m loving this. It’s not easy but I actually am loving it.’
“For a lot of them it’s a case of re-bonding with the kids, though it’s born out of necessity: the kids still need someone to look after them, feed them, pick them up from creche or Montessori, help them with their homework, and maybe some dads think it might compromise their manliness, but at the end of the day it’s in your family’s best interests.”
