ILLUSTRATOR Ed Miliano (42) is a classic, trailing. spouse. Every few years he has to pull up his fragile, freelance roots to follow his wife Anne Barrington (43) to her next posting in the Irish diplomatic service.

"I lose a lot of time when we're moving. I look after the logistics," he explains. He also has to wind down his work about three months before leaving, as well as taking some months to build up commissions again from his new home. "My income drops to nothing for six months every three or four years."

New-York born Ed, and Anne - from Enniskerry, Co Wicklow - met as aid workers in Lesotho where she was a UN volunteer and he was with the Peace Corps. "She made more money than me even then," he laughs.

When they got married in September 1981, they agreed to let her job dictate their country of residence. "Well she can't do what she does for my government," Ed says. So far, Anne's moves have only been back and forth across the Atlantic. Their first transfer as a married couple came in 1982 when she was posted to Washington.

"I found it very difficult," says Ed. "I was far enough away from my family that I was isolated. It was depressing and lonely; the only person I knew was Anne and she was out working. I had never freelanced before and I found that difficult." Within the year, just as he got settled, she was promoted to First Secretary and had to return to Ireland.

During that year in Washington, he recalls one incident which illustrated how their role reversal went against the norm. It was St Patrick's Day and the men working at the Irish embassy attended an all-male dinner for the visiting Minister but Anne wasn't invited. Instead, she but not Ed was asked to the party being hosted by the ambassador's wife for all the spouses. "She ended up going so as not to insult anyone, and I ended up home alone," he says ruefully. "That's when I found out what this life is all about. There are unpleasant parts."

With Anne back in Iveagh House in 1983, they bought their first house in Dublin. Their first child, Aoife, was born in 1986 and that same year Anne was posted to New York.

"All my friends were there and I fitted right back into where I was," he says of that period, during which he was an art director at a publishing house for two years before going freelance as an illustrator. Ed also helped out with the home entertaining which Anne was expected to do.

"We would have up to 100 people for a brunch before Christmas; two large dinners in a year and then dinners for eight to 10 people in between. I like to cook, and if we're having people over, I'm very particular. Not everybody in Foreign Affairs takes it as seriously as I do! It's a pain. It's expensive. You get allowances, but we went overboard."

Their son Oisin was born in 1989, in New York, and two years later it was time to pack the suitcases once more and return to Dublin.

Now a counsellor at the department of Foreign Affairs Anne is right in the thick of coordinating the EU presidency. "Anne is mega-busy, she's never here," says Ed simply. "Now that she's higher up, people expect more from her and she expects more from herself." He admits he sometimes feels a bit aggrieved by the assumption that you're always there to pick up the pieces

He works an eight-hour day from a first-floor studio at their large, early Victorian Glenageary home in south Dublin. Their childminder, Sam, picks the children up from school each lunchtime and looks after them for the afternoon.

"I'm physically around all the time. There is a glass door into my studio so they can see me there," he points out. "I take over at 6 p.m. and Anne gets home at about 7.30 p.m. If I have some work I'm really busy with and would like to stay on, I have to stop at six, I have no choice in the matter."

Anne is fully involved in the child-rearing, he says, even if she's not around a lot. "It does get frustrating sometimes. It can be hard to get a conversation about those everyday things like, can the children do this, can they do that."

He stresses he doesn't want to complain about his lifestyle, which enables his wife to climb the career ladder, but he can't believe what some women in his position put up with. "It's harder for Anne in her job too, having this slightly resistant spouse at home," he grins.

However, he is quick to acknowledge that Anne being the main breadwinner has its advantages. "It has made it possible for me to do things which I wanted which I wouldn't have been able to do if I was supporting the family."