UNFAMILIAR surroundings, a sea of strangers, a sense of imminent abandonment, coupled with clammy, sticky hands: bringing your child to school for the first time is a scary business.
On Monday morning, my tummy was churning (probably due to the unusually early breakfast) but my grip on Number One Son, soon to be a junior infant, was firm. He didn't know I was worrying whether he'd be able to open his lunchbox under pressure of peckishness. Nor that I feared my lip would tremble in front of his teacher. And he was oblivious to my dread of an alpha mummy pouncing on the pyjamas peeking from under my coat.
But the biggest hurdle was having to leave the house at 8.15am. Having met that deadline, we were delighted when he seemed happy for us to leave him playing with a friend from his Montessori class. No such luck for another mum I know, whose son had to be peeled, bawling, off her legs. She hadn't anticipated this reaction to the classroom and it left her reeling.
"It's a day that's full of emotion for parents," says clinical psychologist Marie Murray, director of student counselling services at UCD. "It's the first rite of passage for a child and defines the task of parenting: to hold your child close and keep them safe while letting them go."
She advises parents to be sensitive to separation anxiety, and to be reassuring, never brisk, with a child who is upset.
Vinny, whose first child started in a Gaelscoil this week, describes the mix of emotions parents feel. "I was a little nervous. I thought he would be upset, but he was great, and I was dead proud of him when he went in," he says. "And when he described a dog in Irish at home, he reduced his mum to tears of joy."
Our preparations began in June, when the school had an open day. This led to conversations about the yellow classroom and the well-stocked library, and the teacher's name was also mentioned regularly so she'd seem familiar. We had a good nose through the books while covering them, and our son chose his schoolbag in time to bring it on holiday before taking it into school - though, for now, it contains only a drink, a snack and some emergency pants.
Does it get easier the more children you have at school? One mother I know of came back from a long holiday at 7pm on Sunday, not remotely fazed about having to get everything sorted for school the next morning. Another had sorted everything, from covering copybooks to labelling socks, in early July - but discovered last Friday that two of her children had outgrown their unworn school shoes, while a third had not yet grown into his extra-long trousers.
Our son is part of a huge system now, and that's the biggest realisation for me. The other truth dawning is that we have to share our role as his most important people with his teacher. As Marie Murray says, for a parent it's nice to be adored, and that's a hard thing to let go of. And while his description of the day, in response to "what happened today?", contained a bit more than the dreaded "nothing", we'll have to work hard and keep communicating.
It's a great adventure we're starting, and while I've forgotten most of my first day at school, I still have friendships that started then, and surely that's the finest memory to treasure. I can only wish the same for our boys.
But now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and pack a lunchbox.
