. 1. Take That - How Deep Is Your Love:

As everyone from your granny to your two year old can tell you, this is supposed to be their last single. Me, I have my doubts. After all, now that being dead is not a bar to scoring hits - everyone from Nat King Cole to John Lennon has done it - how could this group of talented and verifiably healthy lads be prevented from haunting the charts?

. 2. Richie Kavanagh - Aon Focal Eile:

Some kind of schoolroom nostalgia is certainly responsible for pushing this one up the charts. Gerry Ryan has plugged this record mercilessly on 2FM every morning for the last millennium, even holding a pole to see whether this version, by the songwriter himself, Richie Kavanagh, or a version by the Noel Furlong Family Group was the nation's favourite. Thanks to Ryan's perseverance we can all finally share the joke that patriotism forbade: "Isn't it funny the way the Irish for `word' sounds like the English for `copulate'?" (Only if your grammar is so bad you don't say "aon fhocal" Ed). Hilarious, now go stand in the corner, Ryan. I blame the parents, I do.

. 3. Robert Miles - Children:

Like Technohead's I Wanna Be A Hippy, Robert Miles's current hit was actually first released last year. Like a growing number of chart songs, it has had a kind of previous life touring the world in the hardbags of club DJs. Nevertheless, the production values of Children - which are somewhere off the scale make this the ideal pristine noise for the very best in car hi fi.

. 4. Boyzone - Coming Home:

Whew! That clever name!; Flying the flag, isn't it? Proving to the world, or at least to Britain, that we too have our share of comely lads, isn't it? Dreadful digital doowop, isn't it?

. 5. Noel Furlong Family Group - Aon Focal Eile: Not the sexy version (see No 2), but the one tipped for the top by the Gerry Ryan Show.

. 6. Oasis - Don't Look Back In Anger.

Is Oasis the first band ever to have a No 1 with a John Osborne reference in the title? Almost certainly, but that is only the beginning of this record's multiple pleasures. The Gallagher brothers have struck such a rich vein of pop creativity that they can afford to give every new song half a dozen irresistible hooks. Now if only they could find somebody to make them a decent video.

. 7. 3T - Anything:

Has there yet been an interview with these three nice boys in which they do not mention the fact that they are tired of being described as relatives of Michael Jackson? More gripping still is news that their father is the mysterious Tito, also late of the Jackson 5. Oh, and they release records too. But despite being of the age at which Michael did his best work, they sound like the musical equivalent of pepperoni, over seasoned, processed sausage containing "Anything".

. 8. The Beatles - Real Love:

Only a few short weeks ago, it seemed as though The Beatles would never release a record worse than Free As A Bird. But of those lovable Liverpudlians (and their good friend Jeff Lynne) have really surpassed themselves this time. John Lennon, apparently overheard on a long distance telephone line, once more supplied the vocals. The question remains, if the band keeps up this rate of hits, could The Beatles be the new Take That?

. 9. Joan Osborne - One of Us:

A red haired prophet crying out in the wilderness of Venice Beach, or just another chancer trying to parlay her sensitive school notebook into a career? "What if God was one of use/Just a slob like on us?" Joan asks over and over. Well, what if, Joan? You tell us, Joan. The singer, it turns out, likes her questions rhetorical and her saviours personal.

. 10. Technohead - I Wanna Be A Hippy:

This record first emerged on a Dutch record label associated with gabba, a brand of rapid, goofy techno, which is apparently very popular with right wing extremists in the Netherlands. When Top of the Pops, played the song they were forced to chop a syllable or two from the lines "maramarijuana I Wanna be a hippy and I Wanna get stoned".