THERE are two sides to the nun with two names. Confusion surrounds the Sister of Mercy at the allegations of physical emotional abuse at the Goldenbridge and Rathdrum orphanages.

To some she was known as Sister Mary Xavier to others she was known as "Sister Xavieria"

But even more confusion surrounds the character of the 76 year old religious. The images of the Sister of Mercy are as distinct as the colours of the black and white habit she has worn for almost 60 years.

"She made my wedding dress," recalls Roseanna Murphy, "a beautiful dress with a straight bodice, a full flowing skirt and a lovely veil. She had great taste in clothes. She paid for my wedding reception in Barry's Hotel and would never say how much it cost. She, seemed to really enjoy the day.

But Sheila Doyle says "I was just 12 years old and had been beaten once too often. With two other girls I ran away. For the first time ever we felt free, felt safe. When we were brought back to Goldenbridge she murdered us. She took a razor to my head and shaved off all my hair. With a stick that was about 2 ft long and 4 in wide, she beat me. Wherever she could, she hit me.

Roseanna says. When my first child was born she visited me in hospital with flowers and chocolates. When I was in hospital with my second, I got word from her that we would get a house here in Parnell Park. When I went in to have my third child, Edward, she looked after the other two for me. It was no bother to her to mind them, I trusted the kids with her. I knew they were safe."

Sheila's memories are different. "I will never forget the day when I came out of my room to see two small children hanging upside down like chickens from a latch, high up on the door of the Sacred Heart dormitory. Their legs were tied, their heads almost touched the ground. She was opening and closing the door, so their heads banged. I will never forget the terror I felt."

Both these women stayed in the Goldenbridge orphanage where Sister Xavieria was Reverend Mother for almost a decade until she was transferred in 1963 to St Kyran's in Co Wicklow, where allegations of abuse are also being investigated by the Eastern Health Board.

Roseanna Murphy was just six weeks old when she was placed in the notorious orphanage in Inchicore. She does not want to speak of her time there. "It was bad," she says simply.

The 45 year old mother of six suffered for over a decade under Sister Xavieria's regime. When she was 16 she was sent to work in the laundry at the Good Shepherd convent in New Ross. Three years later she returned to Sister Xavieria's care in St Kyran's in Co Wicklow where the Reverend Mother worked until her retirement three decades later.

"She had changed by then, she had gone very motherly and appreciated us. She was the best," says Roseanna. Like many of the children placed in the orphanages, Roseanna spent her late teens with the sisters, working in the laundry and looking after children in return for her bed, board and a paltry wage.

"I had nowhere else to go. I didn't know who my parents were, I didn't have any money, so I went back to St Kyran's. There are about 10 teenagers there at the time. We earned £5 a week, enough to keep us in tights".

Roseanna met her husband, Jimmy, when she was in her late teens. They married four years later. "She (Sister Xavieria) wasn't happy about the wedding. She never got on well with him but she paid for it anyway," laughs Roseanna. On September 23rd, 1973 she walked up the isle wearing a wedding dress Sister Xavieria had made for her.

The nun used her influence to help get a house for them in nearby Parnell Park. She paid for the central heating to be put in and later got Jimmy a job.

"She couldn't do enough for us. I don't know why, but she changed. Later when we had difficulties she brought us to a marriage counsellor. She had a Mass said in the house for us, and invited the family around for a big meal, so that we could learn to communicate again. She saved my marriage.

But there was a darker side to the nun. Sheila Doyle is one of many women who will never forgive her for the terror she instilled in so many children.

Sheila was six years old when she was placed in Goldenbridge. Sister Xavieria was in her 30s. A tall, severe looking, heavy woman, she struck fear into the children in her care.

"She never seemed human to us," says Sheila. "We never saw a person behind the habit."

When she saw a photograph of the Reverend Mother in newspapers this week she felt ill. "I kept my hand over the picture as I read the article. I felt the pain rise up in my chest again, I felt the fear that I had felt as I waited on the landing, waited for a hiding or a box in the face."

Sister Helena O'Donoghue, the Provincial of the Mercy Sisters, has set up a help line for victims of abuse at Goldenbridge and St Kyran's. She will not make any comment about Sister Xavieria whose whereabouts are unknown but she says the elderly nun will not be available for comment.