This week AILBHE MALONEis toast (half-chewed)

TRACK OF THE WEEK: 110% by Jessie Ware. It's always nice when a popstar has a firm grasp on numeracy. Unfortunately, that's not the case with our Jessie. But hey ho, when there's a video where she's floating happily in a field of daisies, and a chorus where she kittenishly sings "I'm still dancing on my own," we'll look the other way, and slip a calculator into her back pocket when we get the chance.

- Rihanna’s in a sulk, poor pet. She doesn’t feel she can have any fun anymore – work’s taken over her life. Speaking to Elle magazine, she explained: “I try to have a good time no matter where I go, but I always get mobbed. I always feel like I’m the star. And I hate that feeling. It’s like an out-of-body experience, like I’m looking in the mirror and I can see every facial expression. Everything has to be calculated, because I feel everyone is watching me. I want to enjoy my life and not think about it.” Luckily the Battleship actress has found one place where she can let loose: the dancefloor.

“I love going to the club, because that’s the one place that nobody’s checking for me. Everybody in there is doing the same thing you’re doing – dancing, listening to music, and having some drinks. They’re too fucked up to care.

- Finally, in the land of One Direction, a half-chewed piece of toast cast off by Niall One Direction has been sold for £65,000. Yes, really. The Irish member was on tour in Australia when a TV host offered him a vegemite snack. Horan spat it out (where are his manners!) but the TV show subsequently auctioned the cast-off in aid of charity. Nibblers beware, the item came with the following safety message: “Please note: the item is perishable and although we will package it so that tampering is evident, we do not advise that it is consumed.” Whoever bought the toast, we salute you. It definitely wasn’t us. No, not at all. What’s that? The doorbell’s just gone, and a courier has dropped off a package...