Eoin Butler's guide to downloads, singles and free audiostreams

GOLDIE LOOKIN’ CHAIN

You'll Never Be Alone on Christmas Day**

Last week, Shuffle rounded up the leading contenders for this year’s Christmas No 1. This week, the rest: The duds, clunkers, flops and the no-hopers. First up, this festive number from elderly Welsh hip-hop/comedy ensemble Goldie Lookin’ Chain, which – oddly – boasts neither rapping nor jokes. “There’s going to be a revival tonight,” reckons (I think his name is) Headlice. Not on this evidence, Headlice, not on this evidence.

BRYN TERFEL & BING CROSBY

White Christmas DG ***

Staying in Wales, baritone Bryn Terfel is presented as a healthy alternative to the usual X Factordross. This seems strange because, while X Factoris accused of being karaoke, this single is actual, bona fide karaoke. Bing died 33 years ago, Bryn! You're just singing over his record!

CHELSEA PENSIONERS

White Christmas Rhino ***

Their song choice might not be the most original. But you have to give the Chelsea Pensioners credit for those outfits. Are you watching, Goldie Lookin’ Chain?

BELFAST GIANTS ICE HOCKEY TEAM

All I Want for Christmas Is You *

Not strictly a contender for Christmas No 1, since the guys merely lip-sync over the Mariah Carey song. One gets the impression they were aiming for “so bad it’s good” with this effort. Alas, this is merely so bad, it’s just bad.

THE TRASHMEN

Surfin’ Bird **

This infamous 1963 hit makes a surprise appearance on the Christmas chart thanks to (what else?) a Facebook campaign. If nothing else, Surfin' Birdproves that the irritating novelty song predates the formation of The Black Eyed Peas.

WILL FERRELL & JOHN C REILLY

Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy ***

John C Reilly is Bing Crosby. Ferrell is a harder sell as Bowie, especially once he starts laying into that Christmas tree.