Will Carling? I mean, come on. The Oscars have been over for months and the film wasn't even that good anyway.

I think there may be some confusion here. You are thinking of Good Will Hunting, the brilliant working-class mathematician. We are talking about Bad Will Carling, the public school educated, cuboid-headed former captain of the England rugby team, whose last match was against Ireland in 1996.

So no connection then?

Apart from the hunting part, given the nature of Will's recent amorous activities.

A bit of a prowler then, is he?

Like a tom cat that's just been given a last minute reprieve from the neutering knife. One of his ex-lovers described him as a sex-mad serial womaniser and he has just ditched Ali Cockayne, his fiancee and mother of his baby son Henry, for Lisa Cooke, the wife of his former England team-mate David Cooke.

Well, he's a man's man. Hard to find a woman who can keep up with a chap like that.

Indeed, although Will seems intent on roadtesting any likely candidate. His two-year relationship with Victoria Jackson ended when he fell for the charms of public relations executive Julia Smith, who subsequently became Mrs Carling.

Hang on, you said her name was Ali.

Try to pay attention. That 15-month marriage broke up in 1996 amid rumours that he was having an affair with the late Princess Diana. Then from Julia/Diana, he moved on to Ali, the sister-in-law of his footballing friend Gary Lineker, and now he has ditched Ali for Lisa.

You could say he's made a string of conversions, ho-ho. Presumably the chap wants a bit of variety.

But they all look the same: slim, ladylike, short blonde hair. It's like trying to find variety by eating in different branches of McDonald's.

Maybe, but I'm still not clear on the Princess Diana part.

Flirty Di Tried to Steal My Will, Julia told the News of the World in 1996. Will's comments on the relationship now indicate he might have shared a bed with the princess.

Why is he only saying this now?

Because she's dead. It's easy to claim things when the person involved is dead. I, for example, had a tempestuous affair with the late Natalie Wood. And Janis Joplin. And Winston Churchill.

Did he use a cigar?

Don't be ridiculous. Winston would never waste a good cigar.

All told, Will sounds a bit dim and insecure.

Actually he studied psychology at Durham University, but he was obviously sick the day they did emotional maturity.

And what does this indecisive womaniser do now that he's no longer playing rugby for England?

He runs expensive courses teaching businessmen how to be decisive.

I can't see him going back to that now.

That's okay. He is currently busy organising a celebrity benefit match in Wembley on December 4th, when Carling's World XV will play Fiji.

He can't be all bad, then. What's the charity?

Will Carling. He's set to make up to £1 million from the match.