Taking the plunge in a Catholic church? Then you'll have to go on apre-marriage course. But how relevant are they in a society more diverse and questioning of Church doctrine, asks Suzanne Lynch

Sheila and David have been living together for three years. Last Christmas they decided to tie the knot, and they are getting married this summer. They were astounded to discover that even though they have been living, eating and sleeping together since 2000, they still had to do a pre-marriage course if they wanted to marry in a Catholic church.

"I was really taken aback," says Sheila. "It seems like a ridiculous requirement, especially for people like us, who have been essentially living as a married couple for the past three years." David agrees. His doubts were confirmed when they went on a weekend marriage-preparation course in February.

"Although some of the speakers were quite good, I found the whole process patronising," he says. "It's presumptuous to assume that people who have made a conscious decision to get married need advice on their relationship. Take Sheila and I. We have been in a committed relationship for years and know everything about each other. We hardly need advice from a stranger on relationship problems."

Sheila and David's views are indicative of the negative perception of pre-marriage courses. The mere mention conjures images of damp parish halls filled with anxious brides-to-be and disgruntled future grooms sitting through tedious lectures that have little relevance to modern marriage.

Much of the resentment stems from the courses being more or less unavoidable. Last year, more than 6,000 couples went on pre-marriage courses run by Accord, the largest pre-marriage counselling service (which recently dropped the words "Catholic marriage care service" from its logo). Another organisation, the non-denominational Marriage & Relationship Counselling Services (MRCS), has seen its client base increase over the past few years. Its policy of assigning a counsellor to each couple is an attractive alternative to the group-based structure of most courses. Other organisations include Cork Marriage Counselling Centre, which last year attracted about 800 couples to its courses, and Mount Argus, in south Dublin, which offers a one-day programme on Saturdays.

So can pre-marriage courses justify themselves in a society that has become a lot more open, diverse and questioning of Church doctrine?

"We were very conscious of the negative public perception that surrounds pre-marriage courses," says Dr Colm O'Connor, director of Cork Marriage Counselling Centre. "As a result, we have been constantly refining and developing our course over the last 10 years to meet the expectations and needs of modern couples."

The effort to shed their negative image is reflected in the organisations' language. Courses at Accord are led by facilitators rather than teachers, with words such as "engage", "interact" and "communicate" embodying the forward-looking ethos of the modern pre-marriage course.

There is also a growing culture of accountability to clients - who are paying customers, after all, forking out upwards of €80 a couple. Most organisations cite their use of customer-response forms as proof of their commitment.

But are these just empty gestures or have pre-marriage courses changed for the better? There seems to be evidence of changes across the board. Last weekend, Accord launched its new pre-marriage programme. It marks the culmination of months of research through pilot programmes around the country.

"The content of the new programme is essentially the same," says Stephen Cummins, head of education at Accord. "Issues such as communication, conflict resolution and commitment remain central, but what has changed is the way these ideas are presented."

Accord's methodology has been shifting gradually over the past number of years. The one-way system of teaching that was so long a feature of pre-marriage courses has been replaced by a more interactive approach that aims to foster discussion, openness and communication.

Couples are no longer passive recipients of information but active participants who in effect generate their own results. The questionnaire, for example, has become a key tool in many courses. It is used as a way to encourage couples to explore their beliefs, fears and expectations.

Cummins believes Accord has moved with the times. "Pre-marriage courses have come a long way. It's no longer a question of sitting through lectures," he says. "We're not here to judge or set standards but to help couples build on their strengths and think about areas that might need a little more work. Emphasis is on honest and open discussion of feelings and concerns for the individual couple involved."

So how far have the changes affected couples' experience of pre-marriage courses? For Emma and Michael, who went to MRCS in February, the course proved surprisingly beneficial.

"I'd heard so many negative stories about the courses that it was on the bottom of my to-do list for the wedding preparations," says Emma.

"The prospect of discussing my views on marriage with a roomful of strangers was also off-putting, so we chose a course that was geared towards individual couples. I must admit that, despite my reservations, I was really impressed with the course. Our counsellor helped us to focus on some key areas, both positive and negative, of our relationship."

Michael, who was a particularly reluctant participant, also found the course a positive experience. "We had to complete a questionnaire a month before the appointment," he says.

"At first I was uncomfortable with the idea of discussing our relationship with a third party, as the questionnaire dealt with quite personal issues, such as our views on sex, commitment and whether we wanted children. I have to admit, though, that it did force me to consider the more serious aspects of marriage. It's easy to get carried away in the run-up to a wedding and lose sight of the important issues."

But Emma still feels pre-marriage courses can only ever have a limited effect. "Most people are unlikely to change their mind, no matter what issues arise at a pre-marriage course. The commitment has already been made," she says. "I feel that this kind of session would be more beneficial later on in married life. Perhaps a post-marriage course would be more apt."

There is evidence that courses are beginning to move in this direction. Most organisations that offer pre-marriage courses are also involved in marriage counselling. The idea that the two might feed into each other is to the fore at Cork Marriage Counselling Centre. "We hope that pre-marriage courses will be seen as the first point of contact for couples who may return to us five or 10 years down the line for help," says Dr O'Connor. "Eventually, we hope to establish a database whereby clients can keep up contact with us throughout their married life."

This interaction between pre- and post-marriage counselling is welcome. Pre-marriage courses are many people's first experience of professional marriage guidance, so a positive experience can make couples more likely to seek help should they need it later in their lives.

The efforts pre-marriage courses have made to move with the times are commendable, but they need to be sustained to break free of the image of an out-of-date obligation.

By adopting a longer-term approach, the future of pre-marriage courses looks promising.