Few readers can be unaware of the massive global conspiracy by all of the major manufacturers of mobile telephones to irradiate the brains of humanity's brightest and best - mobile users. Even as these, the world's most brilliant thinkers, converse with one another about crucial issues, the very brain cells that generate such dazzling, searing logic are being converted into exquisite, particles of sub-molecular trash by relentless zap-rays.
At last, the side of goodness and righteousness is fighting back. True, the mobile companies have billions of euros in marketing slush funds to crush all opposition to their plot, but their victims now have. . . a small piece of ceramic in the shape of a ladybird.
According to the manufacturers, a Zeropa fixed to the aerial absorbs up to 47 per cent of the electromagnetic waves generated by a mobile phone. The manufacturers have also produced independent tests to back their claims, replete with photographs of the best position for the patented ceramic compound ladybird on each mobile.
The Zeropa, £30 (€38), is available by dialling (01) 460-0968 or 1850-353435.
Gizmo suggestions welcome: smaccarthaigh@irish-times.ie
