The ad for the M&S summer sale tells us that it is hotting up. Although not as much as the shareholders at its recent a.g.m. who had to listen to results which showed the worst sales decline in the company's history. Adding insult to injury is a recent report which says that they've lost market share in the household department for the first time in almost 10 years.
The new (interim) chairman, Mr Brian Baldock was the man charged with imparting the bad news. Mr Baldock took over the poisoned chalice from Sir Richard Greenbury - the highly paid non-executive director - who retired unexpectedly following his return from holiday. (And I doubt he bought any beachwear at staff discount to take with him. Supply, as well as demand, seems to be a problem at the moment.)
He did pass on his best wishes to all he left behind and then, in a final blow, stated that he had every confidence in the company's management. Oh dear. The shareholders, of course, don't have every confidence in them. The employee shareholders probably have even less - they had to take holiday time to attend the a.g.m. and were told that only one employee shareholder from each division should attend. This, presumably, was so that there would be enough sales people on the floor of the shop to serve the hoards that were rushing through the doors for the sizzling summer bargains.
I think I mentioned before that chainstore sales leave me cold. A quid off a Tshirt is neither here nor there, especially if it's a boring T-shirt to start off with. Mr Baldock is merely an interim chairman so I don't know whether or not he'll be in a position to do anything about the lines that the store carries. The group is looking for a new chairman - Mr Baldock was quoted as saying that it was "looking for a special kind of man for a special kind of job". Since so much of its sales are not made to men, special or otherwise, could I just point out to Mr Baldock that if it widened out its search to include females it might end up with somebody who has the faintest idea of what's going on in the industry. Certainly, a female CEO might be able to get to grips with the downward spiral that's the lingerie section. Maybe Brian and the boys will get it right but I don't believe that 65-year-old men are necessarily best placed to know what's fashionable in the undies department, no matter what they think.
The kind of gear worn by the woman who strolled onto the 18th at Carnoustie while Tiger Woods was about to putt might be what they'd like us to wear, but isn't actually what most of us do.
What if M&S did bring in a female CEO? How would that affect the morale and working practises of the general body of staff? Well, if a recent survey is anything to go by, 21 per cent of the men would want to sleep with her to enhance promotion prospects. I was listening to a report on this survey on the way home last week and it actually concentrated on the fact that 5 per cent of women were prepared to sleep with the boss to advance their careers, rather than the number of men who would.
It's not actually a very high percentage of women is it? Given that many companies have less than 20 people working for them anyway, that leaves a whole range of male bosses for whom, statistically, no one will hop into bed with as a career move. Female bosses have a much better prospect. Can it be that the difference in percentages has something to do with the way men and women view sex? Quite possibly 21 per cent of men would sleep with the boss given the chance, regardless of the promotion outlook. In fact, the interesting part of sleeping with the boss would surely be finding out exactly who is doing who the favour . . . which is something Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton should have talked about before she flashed her thong at him.
I doubt that she bought it at M&S, although they probably have a better chance of selling into the US than Europe, given the strength of sterling against the feeble euro.
It was fairly flattened after one of Germany's so-called "wise men" (is there any chance that this could be an oxymoron?) mentioned that there was a possibility that the currency could fall to .90 against the dollar. He had to say, pretty quickly, that this was not a serious forecast but the damage was done at that point. Honestly, can't these guys keep their non-serious forecasts to themselves?
Why do they feel it necessary to make jokes when half the fund managers in Europe are afraid that the joke is on them right now? Especially when euro trading is more like a game of pass the parcel than anything else.
The currency was also given a temporary boost, followed by the inevitable pasting, after ECB head Wim Duisenberg started to muse aloud about the ECB's interest rate bias. Wim's bias is towards probably not having a bias, but if he did, the bias towards higher rates is gradually creeping into his considerations. How gradual is gradual? So far the signs of growth in Europe have been pretty sluggish, despite this week's German industrial survey which showed increasingly buoyant expectations. Still, Germany has flattered to deceive before and I'm not sure that the politicians will jump for joy if their nascent recovery is sacrificed at the altar of bias. Not to mention how the French or the Italians will feel.
The markets, so tentative, nervous and just plain uncertain, seize on every available comment and mauled it like a lion with a carcass. Sensible people spend hours talking about bias, changes in bias, bias towards bias and preemptive biases. Actually most people are probably feeling biased against Duisenberg and are tired of watching the value of the currency slide inexorably. The unexpected rally which started on Tuesday has only served to make them more cynical if anything. Just like an M&S shareholder in fact.
Sheila O'Flanagan is a fixed-income specialist at NCB Stockbrokers
