LUCKY residents of Dun Laoghaire Rathdown will have the opportunity to vote for the only candidate of the Irish Monster Raving Loony Party who has promised to lead a new rainbow coalition under which there will be a pot of gold "for all my constituents".

The word radical is much abused by politicians, but the Loony Party can truly lay claim to it. The Central Bank is to be transferred to the Cayman Islands, according to the party's manifesto.

Unemployment will be abolished by raising the school leaving age to 45 and bringing the age of retirement hack to 44.

Transport policy will require the removal of numbers from buses.

All expenditure on beer will be tax deductible up to a maximum of £1,000 a week for a single person, or £3,000 a week for a married couple.

In one respect only is the Loony Party like all the others. Its candidate, Mr Jog Monster Raving Loony Ahum, told the campaign launch in the Wicked Wolf Cafe Bar in Blackrock that all policies are liable to change without notice.