Colin Byrne's Column: I have never seen such a bunch of well-trimmed caddies lined up on the range at the Gut Larchenhof golf club outside Cologne last Tuesday. The complimentary haircuts they had received last week during the Lancome Trophy were coming into their own after a few days growth.
A couple of days more sunshine and the white bits on the neck, exposed by the snipping, would blend in nicely.
Lucky we had the memory of the hospitality of Paris with us because the welcome to the German Masters is just as inhospitable as ever. Despite the unseasonably warm temperatures in Germany last week, there was the customary cold atmosphere about the whole tournament, which is organised by Erwin Langer (Bernhard's brother).
As caddies at a tour event we are obliged to wear a bib displaying the player's name. The bib has a dual purpose in that we also get to sport the sponsor's message. It is not clear what we are obliged to wear according to the players rules. It seems that the only obligation is to display the player's name. This seems quite reasonable as we understand that this enables the spectators to identify players.
Under the tour's rules we are an extension of the player so if we do not conform as caddies our player suffers an infringement.There have been many such infringements over the years concerning caddie bibs.
With decades of haggling, horse trading and some token diplomacy we have got to the stage where we have mainly got breathable cotton bibs to wear most weeks. Before we had a variety of synthetic clothes with plastic name tags attached to them which, of course, were extremely uncomfortable and unhygienic to wear. It has taken longer than it should have but thankfully we have few complaints about the nature of the bibs these days .
As a gesture for being "human sandwich-boards" for the sponsors, they quite sensibly appease us by at least giving us a lunch voucher. Not a huge concession but a token gesture for sporting their name for five hours a day.
The more considerate organisers are extremely generous. Ironically, the two best events of the year in Europe are in Germany. At the Deutsche Bank/SAP Open and at the BMW event we are served breakfast and a hot, three-course meal for lunch every day. Sadly the Linde German Masters, staged in the heart of industrial Germany, can't even throw us porters a €5 voucher to buy a sandwich.
They are firmly entrenched in last position for the caddie hospitality stakes and don't appear to be vying for any other position. When it comes to the bagmen they seem happy to be third. Unlike with the prize money and players' hospitality and course condition.
The greens were the best we have putted on all year in Europe. Despite the relative ease of the Jack Nicklaus-designed course and the ensuing 25-under winning score the course was very well presented. How was Jack to know that the average professional drive was going to be over 300 yards when he built the course in the mid-1990s.
The trouble for designers today is that not only are the pros giving the ball a fierce clatter, but the down slopes on the fairways, that were supposed to be inconsequential as the lay of the land, are now contributing to the extended run out of the big drives.
Par four's of 440 yards, without wind and with relatively firm fairways, are reduced to drives and wedges with modern equipment. All the par fives were reachable last week. With par fives of 550, 583, 500 and 522 yards, respectively, sizeable in amateur terms, they are easy prey to the modern pro.
KJ Choi, the Korean who plays on the US Tour, took full advantage of his first visit to the European Tour by scooping the top prize. His caddie was none other than Andy Prodger, Colin Montgomerie's estranged porter.
Andy has been struggling since his dismissal from Monty in May. He caddied for Lee Westwood for a few weeks up to the British Open and then took to painting and decorating his home in Scotland.
Unfortunately he fell off his ladder while stretching for a corner of the ceiling. He has lost his balance as a result and finds it impossible to carry heavy things without losing his balance.
After Tuesday's practice round he looked dreadful.There is a tour rule that forbids trolleys unless there are special circumstances. The tour kindly gave Andy permission to "put the bag on a barrow", as we say in the caddie shack, for pulling the bag on a trolley.
The trouble was Choi played really well and the sight of Andy on TV pushing his barrow didn't present the desirable image.
It is a common question asked to us caddies, "Why don't you use one of those trolley things?" I suppose it's a bit of an image thing. Traditionally caddies have carried the bag, it's part of the job. If we didn't carry we might become more strictly advisers and not caddies. Carrying the bag we can get to more places on the course than we could with a trolley.
Quite frankly, if a top caddie set the trend maybe the trolley would become fashionable and do all our crooked spines a favour.
Anyway, Prodger has become the first modern caddie to win with his bag on a barrow. As a Korean, Choi would have been brought up with the traditional lady caddies pushing their bosses' bags on a trolley.
Despite many years on the US Tour with his caddies carrying the bag, the sight of Prodger pulling him and his sack to victory in Cologne would not have been that unusual. Perhaps a player without such a background would have found it a little off-putting.
Despite the lack of warmth in the Gut Larchenhof caddie shack,
there is a warm story for the
winning caddie who despite his ill-health steered his man to victory.
It looks like Monty did him
a favour .
