Golf: The lengths some folk travel just to get their hands on Cutter and Buck goodies, eh? David Conlan, for example, sent an email to golfmasters@irish-times.ie a few days ago in which he treated us to a pun-packed tale that left us wondering if he'd consumed mushrooms of the magic variety for tea.

Excerpts: "It was a Harr-owing tale," said the course Clarke. "I'm apPauled, had enough of this Graeme. A Lawrie load of spuds on the first Green is not a good omen." The Tiger Serg(io)ed towards him like a Tom cat singing. "Di Marco(f )true love," said Jim to Colin Kelly, "is to Bern(ard) the candle hard at both ends." Justin time to buy a yam was Charles, a Scot who also eats apples. Man, he's not a patch on David who buys many Roses as he's very Rich, worth a few Bob he is - just like Michael.

Cinking putts? "Fax," says Brad, "are best", but Parrott nicks Higgins with a Riley's snooker cue. I could be here all Glen Day so I will lower down to the a500,000 men, the figure Celtic will get for Henrik next year if he's sold. I had to Seve-r many golfers Orr I would be here to midnight. Endt of the day, now need to skip Waldorf salad as, Mark my word, I'm a bit Mizerly. Sven Goran Eriksson, Jimmy Hill, Henry V - your boys took a Hal of a beating!

"Jimmy Magee had interview with Don King but constant noise leaves me Lucquin at another station. A Black morning it is, but who gives a Vanhootegem, I hear you say! I'll move on so, rather than Bicker(ton) with you."

See what we mean? David concluded by threatening: "If I do not get some lovely golf wear for my efforts I will send more puns in next week". Cutter and Buck, David, are on their way to Palmerstown as we speak - now, go and have a lie down.