Tony Cascarino made his Irish debut against Switzerland in September, 1985, in a World Cup qualifying game in Berne's Wankdorf Stadium (which ended 0-0). Seamless link, then, to the latest news on the big lad.

Last week Cascarino was doing a live interview on his mobile phone with English radio station TalkSport when he suddenly told listeners: "Got to go - I've been nicked."

Which he was. Cascarino was driving down the Champs Elysees at the time and was spotted by French police, who fined him 140 for using a mobile while motoring.

To add to his woes last week's lurid allegations against certain English footballers brought back troubling memories for Cascarino in his Sunday Times column.

"When I played for Ireland, women would call our rooms pretending they were the wives or girlfriends," he grumbled, with a wink. "It got to the stage that there was no escape and we had to leave the phone permanently off the hook. Some players handled it better than others - I tried to stay onside, but more often than not succumbed."

We could, though, really, really could have done without Cascarino's revelation that he once threw his "sweat-stained" shorts out of his hotel bedroom window at screaming girls (who, he conceded, were actually screaming for Gary Kelly and Phil Babb). "After throwing them down I watched a scrum ensue, from which one girl crawled out clutching a pair of shorts pressed firmly to her face."

Mná na hÉireann? Disappointed.

Language lesson

The big debate this week, of course, is not whether Damien Duff, David Connolly or Clinton Morrison will partner Robbie Keane up front in Basel/Basle, or who will replace Kenny Cunningham at the centre of the Irish defence, it's: how do you pronounce Basel/Basle - "Basil" or "Bahl".

Mystery solved, we think: "It's Basel FC, pronounced 'Baa-sel', or even 'Bay-sel', but definitely not 'Bahl', which is the French name for the place. It's as wrong as calling London 'Londres'," a Guardian reader informed the newspaper last year when the issue raged around the time Liverpool played the Swiss club in the Champions League. So, it's not "'Baaal'.it's 'Basil', as in brush." Sorted. Ish.

Survival tips

For anyone travelling to Basel for the game we offer some useful advice found on a Celtic website, dating back to August of last year when the club travelled to Switzerland for a Champions League qualifier. A Swiss-based Celtic supporter offered three invaluable tips/snippets of info: (1) "The language here is Swiss German, which sounds like someone choking to death, but fortunately, everyone speaks English as well." (2) "Marijuana is semi-legal here, with many cannabis shops throughout the city. For anyone that way inclined, you have to pretend that you want to smell it, not smoke it, or they won't sell it to you. Seriously." (3) "Don't steal any cars". The local police, apparently, shot a car thief 18 times, even driving over the border to France to make sure they caught him, which didn't impress the French too much.

You have been warned. Behave.

Brothers and baby

Heart-warming news from Switzerland: "Haki is ein papi!" Yes, as revealed by Blick newspaper, Hakan Yakin has become a father after his partner Tanja Fox gave birth to a "3,200 gram and 52 centimetres large" baby. "You an unbelievably sporty child must be," said Yakin, on that internet translation site that we keep complaining about. "It helped with the birth strongly. That everything went so fast and ran off without any complication, also baby was earnings services."

Also moved by the whole business was Hakan's brother and fellow Swiss international, Murat.

"Also for me it was a unique feeling, when I was allowed to take this marvellous and so tender creature into my arms. I closed baby already completely firmly into my heart," he said.

Sounds to us like the brothers aren't entirely focusing on Saturday's big game. Shame.

Compiled by Mary Hannigan