Away from homeSince leaving Cork City for Reading three summers ago, there's hardly been a dull moment for Joe Gamble, the former under-21 international who hails from Denis Irwin's home patch of Togher. His progress in England hasn't been helped by injury problems, the worst of them coming last December when he dislocated his kneecap in a reserve game.
During the summer he was on a pre-season break in Germany when he was thrown from a canoe and dragged downstream by the currents - he was in the water for 15 minutes before being rescued. After all that, he must have reckoned the coming season would be a doddle.
In May, Martin Allen, Gamble's former Reading team-mate and now manager at Barnet, announced that he was signing a player on loan but wouldn't reveal his name until the deal was finalised. "I am preparing to take a Gamble," he wink-winked. The local paper (and we're not making this up) guessed that the mystery man was Brighton's Guy Butters. It was Joe.
Ahead of Saturday's FA Cup first round tie against Stalybridge, Gamble joined his team-mates on a tube trip to the West End where they were taken to see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre by Allen, as part of his team-building efforts. Come match day the players emerged to the sounds of Conquest to Paradise, with Allen announcing over the tannoy: "Please join us for our FA Cup journey and Barnet's very own Conquest to Paradise".
Gamble, evidently inspired, gave Barnet the lead, then they went 2-0 up, but Stalybridge, once they'd stopped laughing, fought back for a 2-2 draw. When Gamble returns to Togher he'll have some stories to tell.
Dario's a Mama's boy
Seville's Uruguayan forward Dario Silva was sent off against Valladolid recently for using foul and abusive language towards one of the assistant referees, with the referee reporting that the player had called his assistant's mother a whore. Silva, though, appealed against his one-match ban, using quite the most novel defence we've heard in a while: he insisted that he had called his own mother a whore, an explanation his club described as "convincing".
In their appeal, Seville used television pictures of the incident to prove that Silva was telling the truth and, indeed, after a spot of lip-reading, it was agreed that he had informed the assistant that Mammy Silva was a bit of a goer (although he stopped short of handing over her phone number). The Spanish soccer federation duly wiped out the red card, but, we'd guess, the punishment Dario will receive from his Ma next time he's home will be a whole lot more painful than a one-match ban.
Miller madness
Brian Kerr politely requested last week that everyone calm down about Liam Miller. "It's important not to get carried away," he said, "there have been some ridiculous things written about Liam in the last few days." Ready?
"Probably the best 22-year-old in the world", "sensational", "his career possibilities are endless." - Magnus Hedman. "Liam Miller is one of the best young talents that I have ever seen." - Henrik Larsson. "Without putting too much pressure on him, I'm sure Liam is going to be a great player. He's carrying the can for the whole of Cork, but he'll deal with it and go on to be a big, big player for Celtic and Ireland." - John Hartson. "An outstanding talent", "I take it as a compliment to be talked about alongside Liam." - Paul McStay: "Wonderful." - Martin O'Neill. "Liam was frightening on Wednesday." - John Hartson.
No pressure, Liam.
Think frying pan
Life as Manchester United's director of communications can't be easy, considering the amount of public relations hot water the club often finds itself in. It was hard, then, to blame Paddy Harverson for deciding to quit his post, look for pastures new and a quieter life. And for whom is he soon to start work as communications secretary? Prince Charles. Uh oh.
Quotes of the week
"I am happy that I didn't end up with a broken leg. I have never seen such violence from defenders. Those dangerous fools got away with hip-high tackles and dirty fouls, and I was even punched in the face. Really, I am glad I kept my physical integrity in Glasgow."
- Anderlecht's Aruna Dindane after a brush with the Bhoys.
"I think I feel more Scottish than a lot of Celtic and Rangers fans."
- Berti McVogts.
"We didn't come here for a draw, or any other result."
- John Terry, speaking about Chelsea's trip to Rome last week. Is this lad teaching Claudio Ranieri English?
"The Scottish Football Association are nothing but a bunch of perpendicular ponces . . . they are like a fly round a cow's backside."
- Dundee director Giovanni Di Stefano. The SFA would charge him if they knew what "perpendicular ponces" meant.
Steve Finnan: "We know what to expect and we're looking forward to the game."
Interviewer: "Is it fair to say they are a bit of an unknown quantity?"
Finnan: "Yes I'd say so. We don't know too much about them."
- Football 365 finds Finnan in two minds ahead of the Steaua Bucharest game.
"If those four had all gone in, then people would be saying: 'Look, he's got five goals already this season'. That would be quite a good total at this stage."
- Arsenal's Freddie Ljungberg rues hitting the post four times this season. If the Queen had . . .
"A big Jessie."
- Gordon Strachan's tribute to Bolton's Mario Jardel, after his reaction to a shove got a Southampton player sent off.
Travel sickener
It looked more like a scoreline from the rugby World Cup: Monaco 8, Deportivo 3, that record Champions League defeat on Wednesday night. Our favourite post-match headline was provided by Reuters: "Deportivo coach blames defence for record Monaco win". Well, you would, wouldn't you?
Our greatest sympathy, though, went to the Deportivo president, Augusto Lendoiro, who has only ever travelled to two of the club's away matches in Europe: a 5-1 defeat at Arsenal in the 2000 UEFA Cup, and Wednesday's little set-back. Aggregate score: 4-13. His travelling days, we suspect, are over.
