Terrific news from our man in Charleston, South Carolina. Despite being busy battening down the hatches as hurricane Isabel approached his abode Darragh Doran (ex-Chapelizod, Co Dublin), still found time to email us with news his beloved Charleston Battery have won the A-League National Championships for the first time.
Away from home
And this meant? That none other than Terry Phelan (and Dubliner Seamus Donnelly) won "the first championship medal of his illustrious career", as Darragh put it. Battery beat Rochester Raging Rhinos in the Eastern Conference final, before beating Minnesota Thunder on Saturday. Applause please.
Meanwhile, Swansea City's Liverpool-born forward Lee Trundle has announced he has an Irish grandfather and wants to join Brian Kerr's green and white army. Then the shy 26-year-old, who sports a Mohican hairdo and white boots, made the mistake of opening his mouth. "A League of Ireland player was called into the squad for a friendly recently so there's definitely hope for me," he told the Welsh Western Mail. "I think Division Three is a better standard and it's not as if the Republic are blessed with too many strikers at the moment".
If Trundle ever makes it to Dublin we reckon Glen Crowe won't be waiting with a hearty cead mile fáilte.
Finally, Cherry Orchard old-boy Michael Keane has been lavished with praise by his Preston boss for his recent form, with Craig Brown praising the 21-year-old's growing maturity: "This is the new Keane, the Michael Keane with his head on. He bought it in a shop in Dublin - he got it in a lucky bag," said Brown. To which we said: what?
Neal nonsense
Pundit of the week? No contest: take a bow Phil Neal, and the London Evening Standard for spotting his gem on You're on Sky Sports. Asked if he had any concerns about England's trip to Turkey next month Neal said yes, he was worried: "There could be fatalities - or, even worse, injuries."
Putting the boot in
Apologies for these, blame "vroom vroom" Justin who emailed them to us: "Apparently Liverpool had first option on Christiano Ronaldo, then withdrew after discovering he was two footed - there was no point in buying a footballer who Gerard Houllier couldn't play out of position." "Wolves are predicted to stay in the Premiership for three seasons: autumn, winter and spring." "Phil Thompson went to the Liverpool Christmas party last season dressed as a pumpkin. Come midnight he still hadn't turned into a coach."
Quotes of the week
"Maine Road was a great football stadium, but as time moved on it stayed where it is."
- Surely it's time for Kevin Keegan to be knighted in recognition of his contribution to football (quotes of the week).
"Wolves manager Dave Jones hopes to have a good number two soon."
- A line from TeamTalk, about Jones' search for a new assistant manager, noted by Football 365. Toilet humour, if you ask us.
"In midweek, both Old Firm line-ups had more foreign bodies than Willie Johnston's 1978 urine sample in Argentina."
- More lavatory laughs, this time from Tam Cowan (Scottish Daily Record).
"I saw Gerard Houllier after the game. He grabbed me from behind and squeezed my hips in a friendly gesture."
- "So many possibilities," said Warren Phelan who sent in this Graeme Souness quote (thank you), but we'll behave.
"Some of the drivel that has come out of there is astonishing."
- Souness again, in the middle of his war of words with Houllier, talking about what Anfield's producing these days. Isn't it time Emile Heskey was left alone?
"I will never change the way I play."
- Emile Heskey. More bad news for Houllier.
Adieu Anelka
A couple of weeks ago we told you of Nicolas Anelka's touching quest for love ("I am a happy man, it only remains for me to meet the woman of my life and this happiness will be perfect"). Well, we think we know why the young man is still lady-less - he hasn't quite learned how to show a girl a good time.
"He said we were going out for dinner and I was all excited," revealed his former girlfriend, Beth Moutrey, last week. "But we got in his car and went to a nearby Tesco and he bought some frozen prawns. It was a bit embarrassing - I get dressed up for a lovely night out and end up at the seafood counter."
And for their first hot date at the player's apartment? Anelka invited his agent along too. "We came back and the three of us, including his agent, ate dinner and watched a film." With that Beth said, "adieu - you nutter."
More quotes of the week
"I'm flattered that some supporters think a bigger club would want me, but I don't see any reason why I would leave this club if we can achieve something."
- David O'Leary? Just keep your mind on the Villa job, Real Madrid can wait.
"When he was carried off at Leicester someone asked me if he was unconscious, but I didn't have a clue - that's what he's always like."
- Southampton manager Gordon Strachan on Claus Lundekvam.
"David is a wonder of nature. He enjoys being generous, passing for others to score, and looks with admiration at the stands, seeking out the love that he needs, and that he gives himself. Beckham is a blessing from heaven."
- Spanish football writer Gaspar Rosety.
"What do you want me to do, take a gun and shoot myself?"
- Thierry Henry, on being asked if he was disappointed after that 3-0 defeat by Inter Milan.
Veron who?
Curious to note Manchester United are still selling David Beckham goodies on their online club shop, despite the fact - and you may not know this - he doesn't play for them anymore. Amongst the Beckham-branded items for sale is a clock (a snip at £13.00): "David Beckham's days at Old Trafford may have ended, but you can still remind yourself of his timeless contribution to Manchester United." Timeless? Tremendous.
Funnily enough there was no sign of any Juan Veron products. When we typed "Veron" in to the shop search box this was the reply: "Sorry, your search didn't return any results." Pretty much sums up Veron's time at Old Trafford.
Reformed Bates
In light of the fact new Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is Jewish it's hardly surprising the club asked their supporters to refrain from singing their traditional anti-Semitic tunes during the recent game against Spurs. In his programme notes Ken Bates admirably acknowledged there was a "lunatic Chelsea fringe who revel in chanting anti-Jewish songs" and called on them to cut it out. Eh, that's the same Bates who, before the visit of Hapoel Tel Aviv in the UEFA Cup two years ago, declared: "We know they're Israelis because they always ask if there's a discount for block bookings."
