You said what? "They haven't made many sautees forward."- Sky Sports' Clive Allen "There's no problem with Darius Vassell and quite simply there wouldn't be a problem if there was." - Graham Taylor

"Very deceptive is Rio, and rightly so."

- Sky Sports' Brian Marwood

"And now Burnley have got an extra yard of doubtness in their minds."

- Sky Sports' Chris Kamara

"Glenn Crowe, John O'Flynn, Stephen Geoghegan are great strikers - none of these players is trepidacious in front of goal."

- TV3's Damien Richardson

"John Terry's an extra-terrestrial - I think he's from Mars. He's like ET and needs to phone home."

- Chelsea's Claudio Ranieri

Bobby's dazzlers

"Gary Speed has never played better, never looked fitter, never been older.'"

"They've probably played better than they've ever done for a few weeks."

"I played cricket for my local village. It was 40 overs per side, and the team that had the most runs won. It was that sort of football."

"We don't want our players to be monks, we want them to be football players because a monk doesn't play football at this level."

"Sarajevo isn't Hawaii."

"Football's like a big market place, and people go to the market every day to buy their vegetables."

"If we lose I don't think we've failed. There is a difference between losing and failure."

"If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won't lay any eggs in the basket."

Reporter to Newcastle's Shola Ameobi: "Do you have a nickname?"

Ameobi: "No, not really."

Reporter: "So what does Bobby Robson call you?"

Ameobi: "Carl Cort."

- Another great season for Bobby Robson.

Gobbledegook

"It was a bit of a surprise and yet I shouldn't have been surprised because I was a bit surprised he was going to go in the first place."

- Terry Venables on Robbie Fowler's on/off move to Manchester City.

"Some people suspect it might be two months, but it shouldn't be. We don't really want to put a timescale on it. He could be back in three or four weeks, hopefully he will be, but we'll re-access in three weeks time."

- Glenn Hoddle, talking about Anthony Gardner's injury.

Question: "Is there Life on Mars?"

Answer: "I am not sure about it, there might be, there might not be. I am not saying there definitely isn't, but I am not saying there definitely is. There could be, I'm not sure."

- Barnet's Danny Naisbitt

"I'm not at all satisfied with one point. I'd have been totally satisfied with six, satisfied with four and I'd have taken three. Two I wouldn't have been happy with, so I'm not going to be happy with one."

- England under-21 boss David Platt

Manager speak

"Luke Chadwick is proving he's a good footballer. He's not David Beckham, but then again not many players are."

- Cardiff's Lennie Lawrence

"We showed fantastic football! We scored fantastic second and third goals, great football, toot, toot, toot, forward passing. I like when we play this well."

- Chelsea's Claudio Ranieri

"We are a young side that will only get younger."

- Nottingham Forest's Paul Hart

"I'd never allow myself to let myself call myself a coward."

- Graham Taylor

"Obviously it would be tough playing up in the Premiership next season, but I wouldn't lose any sleepless nights."

- Reading's Alan Pardew

Words of wisdom

"If after four away games you haven't scored any goals, you're unlikely to have many points."

- Graham Taylor

"If you can get through the first round, you have a good chance of getting into the next one."

- Norwich manager Nigel Worthington

"A goal is going to decide this in many ways."

- David O'Leary

"Relegations don't do anybody any good."

- Howard Wilkinson

"You felt this was the sort of game that needed a goal to break the deadlock."

- BBC Radio 5 Live's Ron Jones

Works of genius

"It's a no-win game for us, although I suppose we can win by winning."

- Spurs' Gary Doherty

"I don't set myself targets, but I've a sum in my head that I'm aiming for."

- Southampton's James Beattie

"Today there are no losers - only bids that have not won."

- UEFA president Lennart Johansson after the rights to host Euro 2008 were awarded.

"I could use a cliché, but that's not me. The one thing you can't do is worry about tomorrow."

- West Ham's Glenn Roeder

"There's only one club in Europe that you can leave Manchester United for - Real Madrid or Barcelona."

- John Aldridge on Sky Sports.

"One moment I'm playing football and the next - whack - I wake up in hospital unconscious."

- TalkSport's Alan Brazil

"I need to see Marlon face-to-face to reassure him that I am behind him".

- Gillingham manager Andy Hessenthaler

The commentators

"Gerard Houllier runs a very tightly-knit ship."

- Sky Sports' Rob Hawthorne

"Butt's arms were around Edgar Davids' waist - it's not something I'd chance with my back to him."

- ITV's Clive Tyldesley

"Tugay is writhing around all over the place, as if he were dead."

- BBC Radio 5's Alan Green

"Roberto Carlos is much more than just a left back, he's a left midfielder, he's a wing back, he's. . . given the ball away."

- Sky Sports' Gerry Armstrong

"The Everton fans are massed in the Station End, and Lee Carsley is attacking those fans now."

- BBC Radio's John Murray

The pundits

"You've got to be careful - you're not sure if the ball is going to bounce up or down."

- Frank Stapleton

"Feyenoord have got a lot of pace up front - they're capable of exposing themselves."

- ITV's Barry Venison

"Like putting lipstick on a pig."

- Rodney Marsh on the modest pre-season additions to West Brom's squad.

"The atmosphere here is thick and fast."

- Sky Sports' Chris Kamara.

"Do you know what I think referees think 'intent' is? Camping."

- Barry Venison

Tempting fate

"Nobody will finish above us in the league. It wouldn't surprise me if we went unbeaten for the whole season. We only lost three games last time- and we will do even better this time."

- Arsene Wenger

"Never winning the League rankles with me, and this is certainly an opportunity. Just look at the players I've got."

- Terry Venables, when he took over at Leeds.

"I see bright and exciting times ahead for Sunderland Football Club and its supporters."

- Howard Wilkinson, buoyant at the time of his appointment.

"If they don't win today I will have their balls in my salad."

- Maurizio Zamparini, president of Italian Serie B side Palermo. . . who drew 2-2 with Livorno.

"Real Madrid might think it is over, but it's not. I promise our fans that we'll still be in the final."

- Juan Sebastian Veron after the first leg of the quarter-finals.

Clangers

"Our talking point this morning is George Best, his liver transplant and the booze culture in football. Don't forget, the best caller wins a crate of John Smith's."

- TalkSport's Alan Brazil

"Brian Deane collapsed just like the World Trade Centre, only less spectacularly".

- BBC Radio Derby's Graham Richards

"Poor old Tommy (Caton), indeed, turned like a corkscrew. If you're listening Tommy, give us a call."

- Talksport's Mike Parry reminiscing last week about a game at Manchester City in the 1980s. Tommy Caton died in 1993.

Question: "In 2001 Steve Staunton became the record cap holder for which country?"

Weakest Link contestant: "Brazil."

Feeling aggrieved

"We've been unfairly labelled as a team that defends. If that was the case, we wouldn't have conceded so many goals."

- Gerard Houllier.

"I hear 'gypo' a lot because I guess I look like a tramp. But the worst thing that's ever been said was someone comparing me to an Afghan hound. That upsets you a bit. And someone used the word 'inbred', which was a bit strong."

- Birmingham City's Robbie Savage

"We are not a big footballing nation any more. I'd love to watch my players in games between Manchester United and Arsenal, but instead I have to travel to see Bristol City versus Wigan."

- Berti Vogts, enjoying life as Scotland supremo.

"As soon as you think you have turned a corner, you end up hitting something coming around that corner."

- Terry Venable, having a ball at Leeds.

"I'm sick of people telling me to relax, they can stick my heart up their arses."

- Atletico Madrid owner Jesus Gil

Faint praise

"I don't think Lee Bowyer is racist at all, I think he would stamp on anybody's head."

- Sky Sports' Rodney Marsh

"I tried to persuade him to stay - but not very hard."

- FA Chief Executive Adam Crozier on Howard Wilkinson (after he left the FA for Sunderland).

"Ah, he's done really well there - and he's not renowned for his defending."

- Jim Beglin on Ian Harte.

"We haven't got his type of player at the club - he can pass and score goals."

- West Brom manager Gary Megson after signing Jason Koumas.

"This club is very much like an Ireland team - we drink a lot and run around like nutters."

- Jason McAteer, assuring Mick McCarthy that he'd feel at home at Sunderland. Keegan Speak

"The under-17s are doing very well. You get bunches of players like you do bananas, though that is a bad comparison."

"Shaun Wright-Phillips has got a big heart as his size. It's as big as him, which isn't very big, but it's bigger."

"Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23 million and they built a training ground on him."

"My biggest concern is that I've got two great individuals who are masters of their trade, yet there is still work to be done with them."

"I think the league table is a pretty good barometer of how you are doing ."

Tributes

"Good player, unfortunate face."

- Ron Atkinson on Jens Jeremies.

"He already had a horrendous nose, but you should see it now - it's broken and he looks like a parrot. We're searching on the Internet for a nose shop."

- Bobby Robson on Andy O'Brien.

"Like a woman on her wedding day - nervous, out of position and hoping everything would soon be over so she could go up to the bedroom."

- Spanish newspaper Marca on Fabien Barthez (against Real Madrid).

Ouch

"With respect, I could score more goals than him - and I'm 56."

- Ex-Leeds striker Allan Clarke on Emile Heskey.

"To get a top job at the FA, you obviously need to be a failure in management."

- Brian Clough on England under-21 manager David Platt.

"Just our luck, eh? Despite the fact there's been a massive military cordon in place at Heathrow Airport all week, Neil Sullivan still managed to make it up to Glasgow."

- The Scottish Daily Record's Tam Cowan after Sullivan's dodgy display against Ireland.

"Don't Bomb Iraq - Nuke Manchester."

- Liverpool banner at the League Cup final.

Manager speak

"You can't say my team aren't winners. They've proved that by finishing fourth, third and second in the last three years."

- Gerard Houllier

"It might sound strange after we have just been relegated, but I think a lot of people will be envious of my position."

- Sunderland's Mick McCarthy