EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP/Albania v Ireland: If you had more money than you needed right now the thing to do would be to invest it in Albania. Snow-sloped mountains in winter. Sun-soaked beaches in summer. Towns untouched by the Seventies.
In the 10 years since Ireland last played here the transformation is nothing short of incredible. In five years the place will be sucking in tourists and spitting out dollars.
Then again, perhaps you shouldn't take your investment advice from the sports pages. Five, six years ago you might have read in this section of the paper that Gary Breen was going to be one of the all time great Irish central defenders. Blue chip stuff. Learned. Elegant. Upwardly mobile. He arrived as part of the new wave ushered in by Mick McCarthy and we stood back waiting for him to blossom. Try explaining that to somebody around Upton Park these days. Try explaining that you still have a soft spot for him.
Breen is a conundrum. Like the little girl in the nursery rhyme, when he is good he is very good and when he is bad he is horrid. In his late teens and early twenties, when he rose rapidly out of the lower reaches of league football in England with a quick series of transfers, there were precious few days when he was anything but very good. He learned quickly and moved on every time.
Managers liked his honesty and passion and managers hated his honesty and passion. However bad the going gets he doesn't hide on the pitch. He's not a shrinking violet off the field, either. He has a reputation, though, for being a questioning sort of player off the field too.
And people are blunt and passionate about Gary Breen. There are those who believe in the Gary Breen who played in the World Cup. There are those who believe that the first five goals of Manchester United's recent six against West Ham should be shown on Crimeline with a photo-fit of Breen.
Through it all Gary Breen treads, nurturing his confidence as best he can, learning what is still to be learned. In February in Scotland he performed well for Brian Kerr and noted acidly afterwards that he found it nice to be playing in an organised defence for a change. West Ham haven't asked him to grace their defence since. He won't speak about West Ham now, but on Saturday night in Georgia Breen was impeccable, making the Irish winner and getting in a perfect, last-minute tackle to preserve the value of it. Another little point made.
We want to ask him what goes through his head. Does his inner voice chant, Are You Watching In West Ham? We bait the hook.
By your own standards of the World Cup, Gary, the season since hasn't really lived up to expectation, has it. Did you expect to come here and get selected?
"No," he says, "of course it hasn't lived up. Obviously it doesn't bode well if you're not playing for your club, but I've kept fit and come over and trained and hoped to stand out. I was delighted to get selected. To be honest, though, I'm not thinking about West Ham. I deal with West Ham when I'm at West Ham. I focus on Ireland when I'm here."
The talk runs off into a siding. Brian Kerr? What does he say to you, does he encourage you? How do you keep going (and we add silently: what with West Ham and everything)?
"Well, I've been working hard with an eye on these games. Brian tends to let the lads get on with it. The shirts are there, he says, it's up to us to get them. It's up to Brian. I play to the best of my ability when I train with him and hope to catch his eye.
"Since I've been in the squad we've never had this sort of strength in depth. That's testimony to Mick McCarthy and Brian Kerr and the work they have done."
Enough of that. Let's get more West Ham stuff. Get out the spray-on sincerity. With all that happened during the summer, do you think you have had a delayed reaction? Because you . . . ahem, haven't looked like the sort of player you were?
"No." Pause. "No, I don't think that."
Okay then.
Tell us about Saturday, we say, moving along swiftly. The goal, the last-minute tackle . . .
"Well, we showed a lot of character to weather the storm. For the goal I just remember that the cross was coming in from Damien and I saw Matt coming in and gave him a late call, and then I opted to just head it across the goal and luckily Gary was still onside to score. The tackle was one of those things. I was lucky to be in the right place at the right time."
So Gary Breen's odd footballing life rolls on. He has a short contract with West Ham which expires in the summer. He'll be looking for a club perhaps, and his success will depend on which tapes they watch. Gary the Hero or CrimeLine, where a central defender seems always to be helping with inquiries. This evening is yet another big step.
"We are looking to stamp our authority on the group now. If we win here the group is wide open. We know that Georgia will be a tough place for teams to go. I want other teams to experience what we experienced. This game can send out a message to the other teams in the group."
In Kerr and the new-style management Breen may have found his type of manager, one with a weakness for preparing obsessively, for organisation and honesty.
"We're not surprised how things have gone with Brian. I put a lot of emphasis myself on organisation. You're being naive and arrogant if you turn up not knowing anything and expect to play well. You can see him dealing with the younger players especially, reminding them of things they done in the past. They are visibly lifted.
"Centre halves are given a tape of their centre forwards. There were occasions in the game when I could actually remember seeing them on the video tape. Myself and Kenny went back on Saturday and had another look. There was no surprises on the day. Brian sends us over tapes of the Scotland game to watch our own role. That's good."
You sense he'd talk to anyone about this stuff, nuts and bolts of soccer, getting ready, preparing. This evening is another test in his odd career. He doesn't come to it lightly.