Whatever happens on August 17th, the new date for the final round (the day after the PGA concludes in Seattle), my abiding memory of this year's AT&T ProAm at Pebble Beach, will be a priceless television exchange last Sunday. Out on the course and lashed mercilessly by horizontal rain and Pacific breakers, comedian Bill Murray turned to David Feherty and said earnestly: "They'd kill for this weather in Illinois."
Acknowledging the snowbound status of that northern state, Feherty nodded approvingly. Then, with a wicked grin, he said: "The wind's down to about 60mph and the seventh (107 yards) is a driver," he said. "Ideal conditions."
Bob Hope would have enjoyed their antics. As a regular competitor in the event when it was run by his great friend Bing Crosby, he recalled that the weather was always so unpredictable that invitations were sent with small-craft warnings. "I played in it for years with 13 clubs and a life-raft," he said.
Hope went on: "It's the only tournament where they hand an amateur a score card and a computer. After playing at Hurricane Alley - the locals' name for Pebble Beach - you can play anywhere. They've had rain so many times they're thinking of holding the tournament indoors. I've often wondered what it was like to play golf inside a ball-washer.
"One year . . . it snowed on the Saturday night of the tournament. Pebble Beach was covered with a blanket of white. That was the time Jimmy Demaret got off his famous line `I know I got loaded last night, but how did I wind up at Squaw Valley'."
Small wonder that Americans find our "soft Irish rain" so attractive. But Feherty insists on enlightening them about real weather, the serious sort of stuff he would have experienced in these parts, sometimes at none-too-salubrious establishments. Writing in Golf Magazine, he chides them: "Those of you who enjoy your shower after riding in a (golf) cart for five hours, consider this. Imagine how good it feels after a three-hour route march through a blizzard over mountainous sand dunes. (Yes, three hours! Golf is supposed to be exercise).
"After an invigorating, lukewarm shower in a freezing-cold, spartan locker-room (the shower feels roasting because your body temperature has fallen to 40 degrees), there is no better feeling in the world than cozying-up to the warmth and intoxicating scent of a peat fire, holding a hot Irish whiskey filled with brown sugar and cloves.
"You can gaze out the rain-lashed window at the windswept links that has just kicked your ass and succumb to the gradual warming as you descend into that age-old euphoric trance that says, `Now that, my friend, was a real round of golf'."
"A man may miss a short putt and yet be a good husband, a good father and an honest, christian gentleman." Bernard Darwin.
WHEN their three-year-old golden labrador, Hannah, got sick, the Sullivan family in New Jersey thought it advisable to take her to the vet. This was a timely move, considering what he found. X-rays revealed that the pooch had no fewer than nine golf balls in her stomach.
"She just became obsessed with chasing golf balls," said her owner. So, after they were removed by surgery, he decided that in deference to Hannah's future health, he would have to review his practice of chipping and pitching with actual golf balls in his back yard.
And the solution? A dogwatch? Perhaps a tethered dogleg? With no wish to become dogmatic about his dogsbody, our resourceful owner simply switched to bigger, plastic balls.
Thereby collaring the problem, so to speak.
In choosing Barbara McIntire as their Curtis Cup captain, the US have emphasised their established attitude to age: if you're good enough, you're young enough. Having lost decisively at Killarney in 1996, they clearly wanted a proven winner to lead the side at Minikahda GC on August 1st and 2nd. And McIntire is a winner.
She's also 63. In fact she previously captained the US team back in 1976, when they had a crushing victory by 11 1/2 to 6 1/2 at Royal Lytham. That was the side that included such notables as Nancy Lopez, Beth Daniel and Debbie Massey.
"It's been 22 years since I was captain and I didn't expect that kind of honour to happen again," she said this week. Twice winner of the US Amateur title, she is also one of a select group of eight - the others are Dorothy Campbell Hurd, Babe Zaharias, Pamela Barton, Louise Suggs, Catherine Lacoste, Carol Semple Thompson and Kelli Kuehne - to have held the British and US titles at the same time (1960). She was in six US Curtis Cup teams and actually played a foursomes match against Ita Butler, who retains captaincy of the British and Irish side.
Perhaps her finest achievement, however, was as a nonwinner. In happened in the 1956 US Women's Professional Open at Duluth, where she eagled the 72nd hole to get into a play-off with Kathy Cornelius. On the following day, however, she failed in her attempt at becoming the first amateur winner of the title.
Could it be that Greg Norman is eventually succumbing to the crushing, high-profile disappointments he has sustained over the years? The question is prompted by his attitude to golf-course architecture.
Speaking at the site of his latest project north of Brisbane, he said: "One day, I'd like to build a golf course that's the hardest course in the world, because in all honesty, golfers love to be punished." Thankfully, there is no indication that he intends to indulge this whim as designer of the ambitious new links at Dunbeg.
Meanwhile, he is looking for media help in his attempt at getting golf into the 2000 Olympics in Sydney. Having made overtures to IOC president, Juan Antonio Samarach, he said last weekend: "You guys (the media) need to put Samaranch on the block and ask him why not, because golf is probably the most popular sport not to be in the Olympics."
Black and coloured professionals in this week's South African Open, have full access at the Durban Country Club. Which is obviously as it should be. But under apartheid, things were very different for Durban-born Sewsunker Sewgolum, the most successful golfer to play right-handed with the left hand under. At the peak of his powers, he was classified as "Cape coloured".
The cruel reality of this was brought home to him elsewhere in his native city, at Royal Durban GC, where he won the Natal Open in 1963. Banned from collecting his prize inside the clubhouse, it was brought to him as he waited outside in the rain, while everyone else sheltered indoors. His gentle response to the insult? "Presentations are usually made outside."
This day in golf history . . . . On February 7th 1982, Ian Woosnam got into a play-off for the Nigerian Open in Lagos, only to lose to David Jagger at the second tie hole. But it remained a notable achievement for the promising young Welshman in that it helped him to an eventual third place in the money list for that year's Safari Tour.
After finishing a disappointing 104th in the European Tour money list for 1981, Woosnam's African performances gave him precious, exempt status for the first time. And the 24-year-old responded with three runner-up placings in the Italian Open, Benson and Hedges International and the Spanish Open, before achieving a breakthrough victory.
This came in the Swiss Open on August 29th when he beat Bill Longmuir in a play-off for the title. Two months later he won the World Under-25 Championship by five strokes. Woosie was on his way.
In Brief: Old Conna plays host on May 8th to the inaugural tournament in aid of St Laurence's National School, Kilmacud and sponsored by Celtic Collections. Further details from Brendan Clarke at (01) 4942937/2889984.
Teaser: A player's ball comes to rest through the green in such a position that he believes tree roots or rocks may be just below the surface of the ground. May he, without penalty, probe the area around the ball with a tee to see if his club would strike a root or rock in the course of making a stroke?
Answer: Yes - according to a new decision applicable since January 1st - provided there is a reasonable possibility that there are roots or rocks in the area and the lie of the ball, the area of intended swing or the line of play is not improved (Rule 13-2) and the ball is not moved (Rule 18-2). The same principles would apply if the player wished to probe to determine the presence of an immovable obstruction.
