Sir, - The reading for morning service comes from the Book of the Authority:
"Ye shall be within the broad white line or ye shall not.
"And those who stand within that line shall dance and rejoice, for the future shall be revealed to them in real time. The Bus shall enfold them.
"And the Bus shall bear them along the Lana. Espresso and cappuccino shall be given unto them and they shall be freed of stress. They shall understand the speech of the birds and the mind of Crosaire.
"And the servants of the Bus shall fly before it and behind it. They shall have round white heads and lemon day-glo jackets.
"And their jackboots shall crush all those who are in the path of the Bus.
"Behold those to the right of the broad white line who have turned their backs on the fatherly care of the Authority and the Bus. They shall weep and gnash their teeth and the voice of AA Roadwatch shall not comfort them.
"Their lane is not the Lana.
"Yea, there shall be weeping in Ashford and in Arklow and the concept of affordable commuter homes shall be as ashes in the mouths of Gorey dwellers. To have been cast into the outer suburbs shall be thought of as a great mercy and those who journey from afar shall be denied the Bus, for they shall have no parking.
"For the right lane is not the righteous lane. It is not the Lana."
The text for Vespers shall be:
"Ye shall see the Grand Canal and the lights on Mount Burlington - and ye shall see them for a long time." - Yours, etc.,
Nathaniel Healy, Newcastle, Co Wicklow.