Kevin Myers: One of the more enjoyable sensations of the past decade or so has been the trumpeted indignation from the Conference of Religious of Ireland at every reduction in income tax.
Such pleasure it gave us all, to hear these fine people telling us it was our duty to pay more tax; though of course, for the most part, being registered charities and being immune to - for example - much of the capital gains taxes on the sale of their properties, they no doubt regard tax in a somewhat different light to the rest of us.
Anyway, the years went by, and every time Charlie McCreevy cut taxes, we got the predictable bluster that what was needed was higher taxes to enable the State to give more benefits to the poor. Never mind that the lesson everywhere has been that lower taxes stimulate growth - CORI, apparently, sought an economic policy based on the Four Cardinal Virtues.
Of course, economies no more run on virtue than jet aircraft run on turf. Charlie knew that, which is why the economy grew, soaking up not merely our own unemployment, but causing people to come from all over to world to seek jobs here. But even rampant growth didn't stem CORI's scolding post-budget sermons, which naturally had loud echoes from that ever vocal constituency, the pious left.
Do you know, it's a funny thing how one's tone changes when the money one is talking about is one's own. For CORI has more recently been putting up a fierce fight to shift the financial consequence of sexual, physical and psychological abuse of children by members of 18 of its affiliate congregations, doing its best to get the State to bear the bulk of the burden. I must say, I can't blame CORI one bit: if I could persuade the State to pay my lawful debts, why, that's what I'd do, and depart chuckling if I succeeded.
Two years ago, the religious orders - with CORI as a lead negotiator - told the Government that they would make one offer in compensation for the terrible deeds done to children by members of religious orders. That offer was £45 million, £20 million in cash, payable over five years, and this would confer a full and binding indemnity by the Government against all outstanding claims. If not accepted, the offer would be withdrawn, and CORI & Co would exit forthwith from the negotiations.
A thoroughly Christian approach indeed.
The blustering arrogance of the approach resembled the manner in which CORI denounced tax-cutting budget after tax-cutting budget. Moreover, CORI et al. declared that their offer exceeded "by a considerable margin" what their exposure was likely to be. In other words, CORI and its associates not merely thought they could dictate to the State the terms of the settlement, but they also thought they could forecast what the courts would award in hundreds, perhaps thousands of cases, many years down the line.
Two years ago, Charlie McCreevy, who has had the rare pleasure of having his ear regularly chewed off by CORI, was being unusually restrained when he described the offer of the religious orders as "quite disappointing", especially as it was dependent on a Government-assured indemnity. His estimate was that the costs to the State - i.e., you and me - might run to €500 million. Think again, Charlie. This one could empty the bank: a gaunt Comptroller and Auditor General John Purcell, sitting whey-faced at his abacus like a widow as her wheel, is counting up to a billion.
Actually, the State should have allowed CORI & Co to stick to their promise that without unconditional acceptance, they would withdraw their first and final offer. This would then have freed the many hundreds of litigants to sue each order and each school; and then by God, CORI would have known the meaning of pain. Instead, in an utterly cretinous act of financial fecklessness, the then Minister for Education, Dr Michael Woods (oh, what is he a doctor of - political imbecility?) agreed a settlement of €128 million to be paid by the religious orders.
The CORI congregations then proclaimed that they had agreed to make "a substantial contribution" to the victims of abuse, which would provide them with "educational support, counselling and financial assistance". But, funny old thing, the press statement didn't admit the other part of the deal - that they
had very single-mindedly secured a full indemnity from the State against all further claims by the victims of
religious orders.
So congratulations, CORI! Well done, indeed! Perhaps you might now give night classes on how to wriggle out of paying one's debts, and seminars on how to inveigle the State to indemnify you against legal action by people abused, raped, violated and traumatised by your members and those of other religious orders. The world is your oyster now, and the sky is the limit, so march on over the broad horizons!
Nor did the adeptness of religious congregations cease with the settlement. Just a few months ago, the Department of Education announced that it wouldn't accept some of the land which they were offering in settlement. The land concerned apparently had absolutely no commercial value, because - as CORI et al. were just possibly aware - it couldn't be sold on. Nice try.
Don't misunderstand me, CORI. You have - like the rest of us - a duty to defend your self-interests. This you have done. But there's a price to be paid for such defence. It's called prudent silence. So the next time you feel the urge to give us little sermons on economic policy, just give it a miss. Put a sock in it. Stay shtum. Or, as Detective Inspector Regan would have snarled: Shut it. OK?