The Last Straw: He may have had "tongue in cheek" at the time, but it was hard to argue with the Taoiseach when, deflecting journalists' questions about his current unpopularity, he complained that the press had "too many bad news stories" and should consider "cheering up", writes Frank McNally
As if to underline his point, last Thursday's paper made grim reading. Its nearest thing to good news was a report that the dry summer had produced "the earliest Irish harvest for 30 years". Inevitably, however, there was a downside, because the heat wave had also been responsible for poor crops and (this is my theory anyway) for the RTÉ series Celebrity Farm, which had left wheat yields and prime-time television viewers severely depressed. There was some light relief in a report that economists were debating the development of a "mega-city" linking Dublin and Belfast, via a sea-bridge, with Glasgow and Edinburgh. The proposed region has already been dubbed the "Celtic banana," after its shape, and economists predict it could keep hard-pressed humour columnists going for years.
Thursday's foreign pages were especially bleak. Amid the chaos of the Middle East, there was a faint note of optimism in the confirmation of a new Palestinian prime minister, and hopes that the "road map" could be revived. Apart from that, you had to turn to sport for anything positive. In fact, even here the news was mostly grim (England winning; Northern Ireland breaking scorelessness records; a lot of stuff about golf). But there was one good-news story in the - apparently voluntary - appointment of a referee for the All-Ireland football final between Tyrone and Armagh. As challenges go, this is only slightly less daunting than the one facing the Palestinian prime minister. Nevertheless I wish Brian White well in his efforts, and I hope he can persuade the parties to agree a road map towards a peaceful outcome. Also, I think the GAA should seek UN involvement now.
It can only add to the Taoiseach's concern that lately, with the possible exceptions of the Middle East and Ulster football, he's being blamed for everything. This was dramatically illustrated by another bad-news story on Thursday: that the Junior Cert results showed girls outperforming boys yet again, even in the traditional "boys' subject" of maths. Arguably, this is not bad news at all, just a classic example of the glass being half full (from the girls' perspective) and 40 per cent empty (from a worryingly large proportion of the boys'). But the Association of Secondary Teachers saw it as a crisis, and blamed Bertie Ahern. The ASTI president identified "laddish culture" and the "poor example set by male role models", adding: "Having a role model \ the Taoiseach, who is a bit of a lad and fond of the birds and the beer, doesn't help".
This is very harsh. As it happens, I was in Leinster House last spring when, even in the midst of the Iraq crisis, the Taoiseach asked the Dáil to ratify the international Agreement on the Conservation of African-Eurasian Migratory Waterbirds. I remember how the opposition - already crestfallen because Mr Ahern managed to say "Agreement on the Conservation of African-Eurasian Migratory Waterbirds" without a mishap - was then silenced when he responded to sarcastic demands for details of the agreement by saying it would mainly benefit "whooper swans". So the Taoiseach's interest in birds is a matter of record. But why this should be a cause for criticism from the ASTI is beyond me. As to his liking for a pint, I hardly see how this is responsible for a decline in boys' exam results. Above all, if the current student population looks to politics for its role models, things must have changed drastically in the education system.
Traditionally, student role models have tended to be footballers and rock stars. In my last years at school, Johnny Rotten was considered the leading moral authority of the age. I daresay in earlier times the current ASTI leadership probably looked for guidance to Mick Jagger singing (I can't get no) Satisfaction, with its sinister message that bad grammar was the route to success. This system worked perfectly well for generations of Irish students, who turned out alright. It was a safety valve: our heroes led lives of danger and excess, so we didn't have to. If students really are now modelling themselves on the Taoiseach - a qualified accountant whose political career has been characterised by caution and a desire for consensus - the country is in worse trouble than I thought.