The Last Straw: The vexed question of what constitutes suitable music for a church marriage ceremony rumbles on, writes Frank McNally.
It's 15 years since the Catholic Church in Dublin entered the debate about which songs should be allowed, by publishing "guidelines" (code for "nothing by Chris De Burgh"). Now Kerry has become the latest diocese to tackle the issue, firing the first shots of the 2003 season with rules of its own.
The 1988 Dublin guidelines came at the height of Ireland's Chris De Burgh problem. The singer had a string of hits throughout the late 1970s and 1980s, including In a Country Churchyard, which, with its combined themes of romance and ecclesiastical property, seemed tailor-made for church weddings. The facts that the song was set in a cemetery, and that half of the happy couple referred to was dead - possibly in tragic circumstances - did not deter the generation of wedding planners for whom it was a standard.
At the risk of making two sweeping generalisations in one sentence, Chris De Burgh had an inexplicable appeal for one of the main gender groups, which by coincidence is also the gender group chiefly responsible for the planning of weddings. Many's the 1980s marriage that took place in the shadow of his enormous eyebrows. But after the church's framework document of 1988, his string of hits gradually dried up, paving the way for a complete ceasefire in the early 1990s. The economy picked up soon afterwards.
I know it's unfair to single out one performer in this way. In fact, In a Country Churchyard is far from unique among wedding standards, a genre where death is a recurring theme. Pie Jesu, from Andrew Lloyd Webber's requiem, is also a big favourite. And while this can be explained by the fact that few people understand Latin, there is no such excuse for the popularity of the Titanic theme song, My Heart Will Go On. Yet this is the favourite accompaniment of many young couples on their big day, as they step forth from the port of single status and embark on the Atlantic crossing of married life.
As with Country Churchyard, the possession by a song of a vaguely religious flavour has often recommended it, when closer inspection would not. Thus I Don't Know How to Love Him, from the Jesus Christ Superstar musical, was much- requested at weddings, despite the staggering unsuitability of its sentiment. At the other extreme, songs are chosen with no religious overtones at all, an example being Kris Kristofferson's Help Me Make it Through the Night. This includes the lyric "Let the devil take tomorrow/ Lord, tonight I need a friend", which is an admirable philosophy in many ways, but not one encouraged by the church.
Speaking of philosophy, many wedding favourites do try to grapple with the mysteries of love, asking profound questions ("Why do birds/ suddenly appear/ every time/ you are near?") or attempting to answer them ("Some say love/ It is a river"). A few standards fall into categories of their own, such as Wind Beneath My Wings, probably the most patronising love song of all time ("It must have been cold there in my shadow"). Perhaps the only common thread is a saccharine level that could rot teeth.
Unfortunately, the question of what is suitable at a Christian marriage ceremony can involve a clash of two great belief systems. On one side, there is the organised church; on the other, there is the even more organised bride, who has been planning this event in detail for months, possibly years, and has ideas just as strong as the church's. No wonder ecclesiastical authorities have learned to be diplomatic.
When I talked to the music director for Dublin, Father Pat O'Donoghue, he stressed the importance of "negotiation" between the parties, as early as possible. "It shouldn't be left until a few days before the wedding, when everybody's very tense," he said.
And I see the diplomats in Kerry have suggested that the "beauty" of some popular songs is "best expressed at the wedding reception". That's one way of putting it.
If I appear to have strong feelings about wedding music, all I can say is that they are shared by those who actually sing at weddings, such as a close female acquaintance of mine, who asked not to be identified for commercial reasons, but who rehearses in our bathroom.
This is why I appeal to marriage planners everywhere to, please, please avoid Wind Beneath My Wings, Everything I Do (I Do It For You), and Endless Love. You only have to hear these songs at the ceremony. Some of us have to live with them for days.