The key to a rewarding family life is not money or marriage but good relationships, according to a new report. Dr Kieran McKeown, one of its authors, explains their findings
Irish families are changing. That is the clear message from Census 2002, which shows that the fastest-growing family types are those with lone parents and cohabiting couples. Irish families are following similar patterns to those found in the EU, the US and elsewhere, with falling birth rates, later marriages and higher rates of marital breakdown. But does this make any difference to the overall well-being of families and to the happiness of parents and children?
Everyone knows families are important, but how exactly do they influence our well-being? Why are some families happier than others? Why do some parents and children have higher levels of well-being than others? A new study of families in Ireland, commissioned by the Céifin Centre in Shannon, Co Clare, and launched at its annual conference this week, throws light on these important questions.
Families differ for four broadly different sets of reasons. The first is relationships within the family, particularly the way conflicts and disagreements are handled. The second is family circumstances, which can vary according to income, education, social class, support networks and so on. The third is family type, as indicated by whether one lives in a one- or two-parent household and whether the parents are married, cohabiting, single or separated. The fourth is the personality traits of parents and, to a lesser extent, of children, which can set a positive or negative tone for the family.
One of the key findings is that, when all relevant factors are taken into account, the type of family in which one lives - such as whether one lives in a one- or two-parent household or whether the parents are married, cohabiting, single or separated - has virtually no influence on the physical or psychological well-being of parents or children. This is a significant finding given the growing diversity of family types and the allegedly negative effects of some of them. The truth, according to this study, is that family type may not be as important as is sometimes believed.
It is easy to forget in the midst of the changes affecting the family that nearly eight out of 10 families with at least one child under the age of 15 involve married parents. Herein lies the secret as to why family type per se is not so important. Families in which the parents are married constitute a large and diverse group, whereas families in which the parents are single, separated or cohabiting are relatively small groupings and are quite similar to some married families in terms of their well-being.
This does not imply that a good marriage does not contribute to well-being, only that marriage in itself does not guarantee it. It also implies that other family types are not necessarily excluded from experiencing physical and psychological well-being. As a result, family type alone is not a good indicator of the well-being of parents or children.
In two-parent families, both married and cohabiting, the couple relationship is extremely important to family well-being, particularly the physical and psychological health of the parents. The study shows that the ability to resolve arguments is the key ingredient in good couple relationships. Put simply, couples who are able to say that, by the end of an argument, each of them has been given a fair hearing or that, overall, they're pretty good at solving their problems tend to have more satisfying relationships. In contrast, couples who acknowledge that their arguments are left hanging and unresolved or that they go for days without settling their differences tend to have less satisfying relationships.
What, then, influences the well-being of children in Irish families? In order to answer this we interviewed nearly 250 children in different family types, all of whom were aged 11-16. Again, we found that the parents' marital status and the presence of one or two parents in the household did not, of themselves, affect the children's well-being.
Family relationships once more emerged as a key influence. The single most important influence on children's well-being was unresolved problems between them and their parents about things such as behaviour, helping around the house, pocket money and friends. From the children's perspective, these unresolved conflicts are associated with a major reduction in life satisfaction and a significant increase in psychological disturbance. Again this seems to reflect the importance of being able to solve and dissolve conflicts and disagreements. In other words, relationship skills are generic to good parent-child relationships as well as to good couple relationships.
The well-being of children is also affected by characteristics of their mothers and fathers. For mothers, the characteristics that promote well-being in their children are the mothers' physical and psychological well-being, their supportiveness to the children in terms of offering help and encouragement, their satisfaction with being parents and their skills in resolving conflicts with their partners.
For fathers, and this includes fathers who are not living with their children, their influence comes through their children regarding them as supportive. Although fathers exercise less influence than mothers on the well-being of children, even in two-parent families, their supportiveness increases the children's satisfaction with their lives and reduces their psychological disturbance.
Interestingly, fathers who have a more "egalitarian" attitude to parenting (such as those who believe fathers should help to look after the children) have significantly better relationships with their children than "traditional" fathers (such as those who are more likely to believe women should stay at home and take care of the children). This attitude has the single greatest influence on the father-child relationship.
Although a disturbingly large number of Irish children live in poverty, we found that family income was one of the less influential factors affecting the well-being of children as we measured it. This may be due to an under-representation of poorer children and families in the study.
At the same time, the study contained a broad spectrum of income groups, including one- and two-income families, and it is surely encouraging that children in these diverse economic circumstances have broadly similar levels of well-being.
This study is significant in showing that the type of family in which one lives is much less important than the way in which family members relate to each other and cope with each other's personalities.
This is an important finding as we try to make sense of the changes affecting families in Ireland. If people are worried about what is happening to the family, it is important that they worry about the right things.
The diversity of families in Ireland and elsewhere is now a fact of life and, as this study shows, it is not undermining the well-being of parents or children. This suggests we need a more inclusive concept of the family, which focuses on the set of relationships that link parents to each other and to their children, even where the parents are not living in the same household.
An important finding of the study is that non-resident fathers continue to have a significant influence on the well-being of their children, as do their grandparents. This implies that our concept of the family cannot be confined to those who live in the same house. For that reason we need a concept of family that is broader and richer than the concept of household, which is how most people, including policymakers and family practitioners, currently understand the family.
Even the Constitution treats the family and the household as the same thing, although our experience teaches us that this is not always so.
Our findings also have implications for family policy by highlighting the need for measures that develop and support relationship skills, as these are crucial in determining the well-being of families. At the same time, interventions to support families also need to acknowledge the influence of parents' psychological traits and how these influence the happiness of all family members.
If the family is likened to a boat at sea, then the core aspects of what makes a person feel well in terms of their physical, psychological and relational well-being are directly affected by what happens within the boat and indirectly affected by what happens in the sea around it.
Family Well-Being: What Makes A Difference? by Kieran McKeown, Jonathan Pratschke and Trutz Haase is published by the Céifin Centre. Copies are available from the Céifin Centre, Town Hall, Shannon,
Co Clare. See also www.welfare.ie and www.ceifin.com
A seminar based on the study's findings will be held at the South Court Hotel, Limerick, on December 4th. Speakers include Kieran McKeown and Dr Tony Fahey of the Economic and Social Research Institute. More details from Susan or Máire on 061-365912 (fax 061-361954) or by e-mailing ceifinconference@eircom.net