Young gay people are more confident and self-assured than ever before – but bullying and prejudice are still major problems
TAKE A look around this weekend and the transformation is plain to see. Later this afternoon, thousands will take to the streets as part of the country’s biggest ever gay pride march, now part of a sprawling 10-day festival which takes in ceilis, sports, film, theatre and more.
It’s hard to believe it’s just 16 years since homosexuality was decriminalised in the State. In that time, the gay community seems to have been catapulted from the margins and into the mainstream.
For youth workers such as Michael Barron, director of Belong To – the country’s first gay youth group – the changes are hugely encouraging.
He sees a generation of young gay people who are more confident and self-assured than ever before. “It’s clear that young people are coming out much younger now and in greater numbers, for sure,” says Barron.
“When I started in this service around five or six years ago, the people coming to us were 19, 20 or 21. They were typically coming out for the first time. These days, they’re more likely to be 14, 15 or 16. It’s happening in a very positive and dramatic way.”
Yet, despite the confident gay scene, the sense of fear and reserve that used to dominate the gay community still persists, especially among young people. The issue of homophobic bullying in schools, for example, is one of the biggest obstacles.
Research commissioned by the Gay and Lesbian Equality Network, published earlier this year, contained some startling findings. Some 80 per cent of gay or lesbian respondents said they had been verbally abused at some point, while 40 per cent said they had been punched, kicked or beaten. Most of this homophobic bullying was experienced in schools.
“I think we’ve seen some remarkable changes in society in recent years, but the changes in schools have been way too slow,” Barron says. “Young people at school are often on the front line of homophobia. What’s unacceptable in society is often still acceptable in school.”
Belong To is launching a three-year campaign for positive recognition of gay issues in schools and to get the Department of Education to take a more proactive stance on the issue. Overall, Barron says the experiences of most gay young people across the State are improving.
“It’s clear that society is more open-minded, but there are too many young people having a bad time at school. In urban areas things have certainly improved, but I’m not sure that things have changed all that more for someone in a school in rural Co Kilkenny, for example, which is where I’m from,” he says.
“We’re getting there, things are shifting in the right direction, but we have a long way to go.”
WENDY McINERNEY, 20
I haven’t come across anything negative directed at me. I haven’t been attacked or shouted at. That said, it’s still a predominantly heterosexual society. People assume all the time that you are heterosexual. So, you end up coming out more often than you might like to.
There are some situations where I wouldn’t come out at all; if I feel threatened or if I feel people won’t take it well, or I’m just not in the mood. One good thing is that when I do come out, people are eager to know. They want to discover more and educate themselves, which I think is lovely.
I went to an all-girls school, which definitely made things harder. Probably the worst thing you could be was to be gay. Teens will always pick on people because they’re different, but homophobia went completely unchallenged by most teachers. I was very, very quiet. Practically silent. I could have disappeared and no one would have noticed. It was exactly what I wanted, I just wanted to blend into the background.
When we mixed with the boys school in transition year it made things so much easier. It was lovely. I went out with one of the guys, just because I was flattered that someone could like me. I had such low self-esteem. I’ve so much confidence now. It comes naturally, which is incredible, because I never thought I’d be able to say that. I’d like to qualify as a youth worker.
Overall, life can be slightly easier for gay men than women. Women seem to love gay men, and straight men hang out with them because they attract the good-looking women! A lot of straight men think of us as a joke, that all we need is a fella to sort us out.
NOEL SHEEHAN, 18
Things have changed a lot, I think, but we still have a long way to go. It’s easier in England. Being gay there is like having a different hair colour, or something. Over here, it’s still very segregated. And if you saw two guys holding hands on Grafton Street, people would stare.
A lot depends on where you are. In certain parts of town anything goes. But in working class areas like Drimnagh, where I’m from, you’d just bring a world of trouble on yourself. You’d have gangs of hoodies looking for an excuse to hassle people.
The city centre tends to be the safest space. I'm not sure why, maybe it's the diversity, the volume of people or the new cultures. Overall, I think things are so much easier compared to just a few years ago. Now, it's a case of "who cares"? It's almost fashionable to be gay, and you've lots of shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
Sometimes people expect you to be stereotypically gay. But I’m basically one of the lads, I like drinking, smoking, watching the rugby, whatever. I hang out with my mates. They tease me about being gay a bit, but I just give it back to them. In school, I never went around parading it, but if someone asked me I’d never deny it. I was able to handle myself in school. I had a fair few scraps. You’d get comments like “faggot” or “bender”, but then others get abuse for wearing glasses or being overweight.
You’d be amazed at how little people know and the confusion there is. One fella asked me at school once did I have Aids because I was gay. So, I had to say, “come here, and let me explain what that is”.
PATRICK DEMPSEY, 17
People say it must be tough being gay and from the inner city but it’s not really. In my experience the Coombe is great. My family and friends are there, so I don’t feel intimidated walking around at night.
I was around 13 when I realised I was gay. It was hard. I knew it wasn’t really accepted, so I denied it. Eventually, I thought, “I don’t have to change who I am”.
When I said it to a few of my friends they were grand about it. Some had issues at the start, but then they realised I wasn’t any different. I felt the ones who don’t accept me shouldn’t be my friends anyway.
With family it’s different, because you’re stuck with them. My Da actually asked me if I was gay when I was younger. He knew. He was completely fine with it. Him accepting it made it a lot easier. Other people have just kind of ignored it and just don’t talk about it.
You do get hassle at school, but it’s not actually that bad. You get it from some more than others. You get it in the corridor and even in the classroom, in front of teachers.
They just don’t know how to deal with it.
I never felt I could confide in a teacher. When they don’t react or confront that kind of hassle, they give the message that it’s allowed.
It’s not all negative at school, it’s more of a 50:50 balance. As you go through school, it gets easier. I’m doing my Leaving Cert next year.
People can’t keep it up for five or six years, and they cop on a bit when they get older. You also grow a layer of skin.
You tell yourself, “this will make me stronger”.