FICTION: Letters to a Love Rat By Niamh GreenePenguin, 325pp. £11.99
THREE WOMEN. One Man. Or, rather, one rat. Charlie is Molly’s husband of weeks. He is Julie’s boss and secret lover. He is Eve’s ex-lover. Charlie does not make anybody happy. Except maybe Charlie. And even that’s debatable.
Letters To A Love Ratopens with Molly's story. Trying to motivate herself to get out of bed, the day after her honeymoon, she finds a note from her new husband telling her he has vamoosed, oh and she should put the bins out. We move to Julie, whose story is revealed through her blog entries. She knows her relationship with "Mr X" (Charlie) isn't going anywhere. She is considering ending it when he announces he's moving in with her. Finally we meet Eve who is still trying to get over Charlie. In line with advice from her therapist, she writes him letters she'll probably never send.
As for Charlie? He snores. He likes porridge. He uses words such as “creature”, “ravishing” and “intoxicating”. He’s not particularly good in bed, though his performance improves in stationery cupboards after arguments. It’s not exactly obvious what these three women see in him. But that’s Love Rats for you.
Letters To A Love Ratis Niamh Greene's first novel after the Demented Housewifeseries. There isn't a child, mother or nappy in sight. Its similarity to her first books lies in its tone, which is upbeat, confessional and written for laughs.
The reader is never really expected to fret about Julie or Molly or Eve, rather to enjoy the alternative romantic lives they build for themselves in spite of their shared Love Rat.
Take Molly: when she recovers from the shock of abandonment, she wonders why she isn’t more upset. Why exactly did she marry Charlie? Was it a desperate attempt to get over another man? As for Julie? When she gets to see (and hear) Charlie up close and personal, for days on end, in her own pad, she realises it’s no fun being a doormat for a confirmed snorer. And Eve? She redecorates and stumbles on her Knight In Shining Armour only after she’s hit him over the head with a vase.
And so it turns out that there are three other, much nicer men than Charlie, available for love, on the three separate female horizons. There’s David with his floppy hair and sincere eyes who Molly loved and left. There’s the new janitor in Julie’s office who ticks all the boxes – he’s sexy and cheeky and insists on respect. And theres thoughtful and kind “Homer”, a painter with a passion for yellow and Vivaldi. But let’s not forget, perhaps, the most amusing characters in the book, the people who follow Julie’s blog and go by the names Angel, Broken Hearted, Comfy Pants and Devil Woman. Their individual takes on Julie’s life throw light on their own.
Letters to a Love Ratnever takes itself too seriously and doesn't expect readers to either. Romantic comedy fans should find the ending particularly satisfying.
Denise Deegan is author of four novels including her latest, Do You Want What I Want?. She is currently working on a fifth