Sticks and stones may break bones but words can often be more hurtful

When Austrian GP Lisa-Maria Kellermayr took her own life early this month following a campaign of abuse by anti-vaxxers, the tragedy drew a shocked reaction.

Her death and the emotional suffering that preceded it gave the lie to that old saw, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”.

Words hurt her to death. She had complained that the authorities paid insufficient attention to what was happening to her. Perhaps they too failed to believe in the power of words.

She was a dedicated doctor. When the Covid pandemic was in its earliest and most dangerous stage, she voluntarily visited Covid patients in their homes. She supported vaccinations on social media and this drew the ire of anti-vaxxers in a sustained torrent of verbal abuse, which continued even after she died — one anti-vaxxer declared: “At least now she can’t do any more harm.”

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Sometimes the campaign against her went further than words, with demonstrators surrounding one of the clinics she worked in. She also received threats against her life. Eventually, she closed her medical practice and took her own life two days later.

It is easy to think that people should be able to shrug off abusive words. Yet the mere existence of laws against hate speech, for instance, shows we recognise words can be deadly.

Those targeted obsess over the words, don’t get enough food or sleep and can become depressed. Words can hurt to destruction

And they are not just deadly because of the acts to which others might be incited. It also hurts those who are the subjects of hate speech.

A black person insulted walking down the street for being a black person walking down the street will never again, I expect, feel the same way about walking down that street.

A recent study at the University of Geneva demonstrated the obvious: that we notice a threatening voice far more quickly than a non-threatening one. That’s our defence system doing its job.

People asked to press a key on a keyboard for different voices will take longer to press the one in response to an angry voice. Anger can mean a threat and the brain needs time (though measured in fractions of a second) to analyse that angry voice and establish if it is a threat.

Woman-hating words such as: “It’s bang out the machete, boom in her face and grip her by the neck. Shut up b***h,” recently got misogynist Andrew Tate kicked off the main social media platforms. But millions and millions of people, including young, adolescent boys, have listened to the TikTok star spewing those words and a torrent of other hateful words and ideas. All this at a time when emotional and cognitive faculties in the brain are not fully developed. Will the repetition of those words break female bones? Oh, I think so.

And what of girls who hear boys spouting this dangerous hatred? Won’t their sense of the world become that of a world with more threat just because they are girls?

Anyone who has worked in the area of adult bullying will know how cruel, disparaging, destructive words can destroy the wellbeing of those targeted. They begin to obsess over the words, don’t get enough food or sleep and can become depressed. Words can hurt to destruction.

For those who are the targets of hostile words it is important to recognise the tendency of the mind to obsess over them, to keep up normal activities even though you may not feel like it and to take care of your health even though you may not feel like that either. It is also important to stay close to people who support you and to allow their well-meaning words to warm you, even if they are awkwardly put.

Don’t forget the Samaritans. They are at 116 123 and you can email them at jo@samaritans.ie.

By listening to your words they may save your life.

- Padraig O’Morain (Instagram, Twitter: @padraigomorain) is accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His books include Kindfulness — a guide to self compassion; his daily mindfulness reminder is available free by email (pomorain@yahoo.com)