SHANE, a Dubliner in his 40s, married Geraldine in 1973. "I was 21 and she was 19. She was pregnant. She was my first ever girlfriend. The first time I ever felt lust was for her."

By the early 1980s, the marriage had suffered "a couple of bust ups". "We tried living separately for several periods, from a month to three months. It was war. I wanted out more than she did." In 1985 the couple got a separation agreement. Their sons Raymond and Conor were aged 12 and eight.

"By the time we finally separated, Geraldine was living with someone else. It was messy for a while. We tried different living arrangements. At one stage, I lived in the family home with both the boys and she and her boyfriend lived nearby. Then she moved into the family home with her boyfriend and Conor stayed with them. I moved out with Raymond, who didn't like her boyfriend. Raymond and I moved into, a house nearby, so Conor could come over any time he wanted. I had a housekeeper who could make him a meal in the afternoon if he arrived home from school. The emphasis was very much on as much access as possible for both of us.

Shane felt extremely guilty that the marriage had failed, as though it was his responsibility. "I come from a working class Catholic background and I'm the youngest, of 13. My own parents stuck together through thick and thin. I was brought up to believe in marriage. I was sure that if it hadn't been for me, my marriage would have worked."

In 1988 Geraldine's boyfriend died and there was a brief attempt at a reunion. "It was disastrous and very distressing for the kids," Shane recalls. The following year Geraldine decided to emigrate to the US.

"She wanted to take Conor with her. He was 10. I agreed. It was the most painful decision I have ever made, a decision I now regret. But I was the king of guilt. I gave her everything she wanted - including the family home, so she could sell it and buy her own place - and she would not have gone to America without him. It was a painful situation which divided the family."

The couple had four different separation agreements. "We went to the solicitors each time, to alter certain things. After the first one, I was forced to renegotiate. I had given her too much and I couldn't pay the bills for myself and Raymond." Throughout this time Shane was wracked with remorse: "I love my sons dearly and I felt terrible about disrupting their childhood."

He and Geraldine went to counselling and mediation "of our own volition" in order "to get the bile taken out of our situation". "We did not ever use our sons, even in the worst days of the break up. I know of separated men whose children have been turned against them but I hung in there like a terrier. Even after Conor went to America, I made sure that he came back to Ireland for long holidays every year. I did not want to relinquish my fatherhood."

Conor is now 18 and has moved out of his mother's home. He will come to stay with Shane before going to college later this year. Raymond is 22 and lives in a flat in Dublin. Both boys realise bow unsuited their parents were as a couple: "Geraldine likes everything black and white; she doesn't like complexity. I'm the opposite," says Shane. "We've both drummed it into our boys not to think of long term relationships until they are in their late 20s when they can understand what they are doing."

After she settled in the US, Geraldine got a divorce there from Shane. In 1990 she met and married Frank. They now have a young son, Joe.

In 1991, Shane met Hazel, with whom he eventually bought a house. They now have a young daughter, Cathy. "I was told a year or so ago that legitimate foreign divorces were being recognised here. A solicitor who specialises in the area told me that I had to get copies from Geraldine of her divorce papers, her marriage certificate, the birth certificate of her son and a signed statement saying that as soon as she arrived in America she had no intention of ever returning to Ireland.

"Geraldine and I are on fairly good terms now and she sent me what I needed. But it was going to be expensive and apparently no one here had ever actually asked the court to recognise a foreign divorce. Then the divorce referendum came along. I was told that in my situation, I should wait. If divorce became legal, with two grown sons and Geraldine domiciled elsewhere, getting a divorce here would be a simple walk through the court, with no grey areas.

Shane hasn't decided to go ahead yet: "I want to see how much it will cost. I haven't got a lot of extra money at the moment. Hazel isn't working and I am supporting her. Just sitting down with the solicitor cost me £75 and it was £200 to get the papers from Geraldine. I don't want to get a divorce if it is going to be a money pit."

Even so, he is pleased that "it is possible now for me to draw that final line Geraldine was able to put the past behind her when she got her American divorce. At last I also have that right." His main concern that his new family - Hazel and Cathy will have equal inheritance rights to "whatever I have to pass on".

Hazel is aware that Cathy has as much right to inherit as Shane's other children (non marital children have equal inheritance rights). But she is concerned about the fact that "Shane and Geraldine's separation agreement strongly favours each other. If he dies she (and their two sons) will get two thirds of his estate (except for property) and vice versa. This arrangement, does not take into consideration the fact that both of them now have new families.

"There has to be a way of protecting the first family while also making sure that the second family is also taken care of. For both Shane and Geraldine, it is their new families who will need the support if either, of them dies."

HAZEL is concerned about what could happen to the house she and Shane bought together: "At the moment, in Irish law, Shane and I have no relation to each other. I can only inherit £11,000 worth of goods from him before tax. If he dies, I would have to remortgage the house in order to pay the Capital Gains Tax. If we were married, we could inherit assets from each other worth a lot more than £11,000 without paying tax. "We pay more tax than a married couple. I'm not in paid employment at the moment and I can't transfer my tax free allowance to Shane."

If Shane gets a divorce from Geraldine and marries Hazel, these problems can be ironed out. But she is concerned about how much a divorce will cost: "We don't have money to burn. The less it costs the better. There's a market there. It's a business for the lawyers, a whole new area of the law where people can earn their living."