Groomed cattle, glamorous grannies and the fun of local competition, Marianne O'Malley enjoys a rural spectacle in Co Wicklow
Farmers aren't a breed renowned for their dedication to the image industry. Yet in the weeks leading up to the August bank holiday that's exactly what they become. Serious consideration and debate surrounds the choice of shampoos and bathing products. Clippers and brushes are enthusiastically brandished to hone the body beautiful - even farmers are aware of the value of first impressions.
Then in the early hours of bank holiday Monday, they transport their groomed and manicured Charolais or Belgian Blue, Aberdeen Angus or Limousin to Tinahely to compete for a coveted All-Ireland Champion award at the Wicklow County Show.
In the glorious morning sunshine, hot and dishevelled farmers are frantically giving their immaculate animals a final primping. Damian Jordan from Killurin in Co Wexford is nearly ready for the Pure Bred Belgian Blue judging. His five-year-old cow has had a final hose-down "to freshen her up after the journey". And, as he explains "the only thing left to do now is apply a layer of high factor sun protection to her shaved rump - she has very sensitive skin, you know!"
For most of the 30,000 people attending the 68th show, it's an annual tradition that wouldn't be missed. Generations of families travel to participate and enjoy a dip into nostalgia and a journey back to a past we thought was long gone.
Rhoda Cunningham, a photographer from Dún Laoghaire says: "I haven't missed a show in years. It's a real opportunity for us ignorant city people to appreciate our rural heritage."
Ostensibly a showcase and competitive arena for the best of livestock, produce, and arts and crafts, this huge event is also an opportunity for communities to meet and mingle and enjoy a day out. In 1936, the inaugural show started as a small, social gymkhana for local horse owners, and show jumping is still an important element.
But since then it has grown to cover 100 acres of prime agricultural land. Enormous marquees now house the exhibition of handicrafts and quilts, photography and art. In the home produce marquee, fast-food or convenience food hasn't yet been invented. Instead, time, talent and dedication has produced a staggering range of elaborate cakes, jams, breads and scones that challenge even the most discerning judges.
But judge they must - and throughout the summer, blooms and tomatoes, vegetables and soft-fruits are nurtured and cultivated. Award-winning recipes are tweaked to give them an extra ooomph. Complacency isn't an issue with these competitors. Year after year, entrants vie with each other to achieve a rosette or commendation. But the magic of the show is that it's good-natured. Competitors wait while two of the knife wielding baking judges, Elma Doyle and Eileen Mernagh, slice, prod, sniff and consider, then finally make their decision. Then it's congratulatory handshakes and hugs for the winners with smiling threats of "We'll get you next year!"
In the junior marquee, arts crafts and home produce are displayed prior to judging. But the informal decision is that they're all winners as proud parents and families generously exclaim and admire the handiwork from the next generation. Claire Fenelon (12) is anxious that the spots on her Ladybird are beginning to slide off before the judges get to assess it in the Sculpting With Vegetables competition. "It must be the heat," she says with a shy grin. "I tried making a giraffe from a turnip but it kept breaking, so instead I made the ladybird from a tomato and a passion fruit last night."
Outside, Goodwin Furlong, one of the longest-serving members of the organising committee, chuckles as he reminisces about the early days of the show. "Back in the '40s, when I was just a little fella, they introduced a dog show and a category for the Ugliest Dog. I secretly knew I could win it with one of our dogs. He was a great, big, woolly, strange-looking animal who couldn't even see out because of all his hair. On the day of the show I headed off in high spirits to enter him, but people started stopping me to admire him, 'Oh,' they said, 'your dog is beautiful!' I couldn't understand what was wrong." The chuckle turns into a roar of laughter as Goodwin explains: "We got nowhere in the competition because, as I discovered later, he was a thoroughbred Old English Sheepdog."
Nowadays the dog show is still popular although the ugliest dog class has been replaced by more politically-correct groupings. And with entries accepted until 2 p.m. many four-legged contestants started the day snoozing in their garden with no anticipation of the impulse that prompted their owners to pack them into the car for entry in the Best Pet category.
Bales of hay act as tables and chairs in the open-air bar and eating areas, and a huge crowd of spectators applaud and cheer enthusiastically for their favourite granny in the Glamorous Granny competition and their chosen parent and child combination, in the Look-A-Like competition.
All afternoon, from talent competitions to sheaf throwing events, a medley of high-spirited contests entertain the seated crowd in the balmy sunshine. Others meander, admiring the myriad exhibitions, stalls and equipment assembled for this annual Wicklow extravaganza.
Andrew Kiersey, chairman of the organising committee has been on site since 6 a.m. making sure there are no last-minute hitches. But as he says: "So has everybody else. This show is a triumph for the 300 committed local volunteers who organise it. Without them, it simply couldn't happen."
Further proof, as if we needed it this summer, that volunteers and community spirit contribute incalculably to our quality of life. So if you're in the market for an unpretentious, exuberant day of fun and spectacle in the country, make a point of getting to one of the remaining agricultural shows elsewhere this month.
And make sure to mark in Tinahely for next year on August bank holiday Monday.